Truth In Satire

Donald Trump Introduces Newer, Truer Versions Of His MAGA Slogan For 2018

“Make Assholes Go Away” is one of 10 options being considered to re-energize POTUS’s rallying cry, “Make America Great Again”

Image for post
MAGA is about to get a makeover. (Credit: www.joemygod.com)

Feeling that his favorite rallying cry, “Make America Great Again,” or MAGA, lacks the political punch to keep his voter base fired up during the tough days ahead, President Trump has asked his White House staff to work on new and more spirited variations.

Make Assholes Go Away” is one substitute acronym under consideration, and it works well with so many critics, dissenters, and federal prosecutors nipping at the president’s heels.

Here are some other options being floated by the Trump administration:

Make Adversaries Glorify America: This powerful slogan allows the Trump base to rally around the president in his all out war against ISIS and wiping North Korea off the map. If Kim Jong-Un doesn’t pay proper respect to the stars and stripes, then it’s KABOOM, KOMMANDER KIMCHI!

Massacre All Gay Advocates: A big favorite of Stephen Miller’s, some in the administration feel this slogan could cost the president a handful of votes in the men’s locker room at the Congressional gym. Miller thinks it’s worth the risk, however, and continues to fight for it.

Image for post
Rebels with a cockamamie cause. (Credit: cbsnews.com)

More AltRight Guys in Authority: The president likes this white-all-the-way tagline. It will assure loyalty from his Nazi and white supremacist friends and keeps his more timid political opponents quaking in their libtard Birkenstocks.

Move Aliens to Guantanamo Already!: Trump insiders who want to bury DACA are lobbying for this no-holds-barred slam at illegal aliens. It’s getting big support from the Koch Brothers, as well as from Wade and Billy Bob Kessler, a pair of dangerous hillbilly brothers from Clanton, Alabama.

Make Allies Grovel to America: His closest advisers are telling Mr. Trump that if America’s allies want to continue trading with and receiving protection from the United States they need to suck up to the president more. They want the leaders of friendly nations to come before the president in the Oval Office, get on their knees, and kiss the presidential ring. No kneeling, no dealing. Mr. Trump is all for this approach.

Image for post
“That’s right, Shinzo…kneel down, come on now, on the floor, don’t make me squeeze.” (Credit: www.cnn.com)

Misogynists of America, Get Angry!: Most of Mr. Trump’s male associates are misogynists, abusers of women, or just dickheads when it comes to women — even the women in his inner circle are dickheads. This self-righteous rallying slogan would allow all misogynists, sexual perpetrators, and defenders of Roy Moore who support the president to ride one more wave of pathetic pseudo-power before dropping off the face of the planet forever. And good riddance.

Image for post
Somebody please help this guy get out of the country. (Credit: TheBlaze.com)

Malign Attorney General Absolutely: Admittedly, this is an awkward phrase offered up by Eric Trump who is a moron, but the president wants to employ the new slogan immediately. As everyone knows, Mr. Trump has been trying to get rid of his attorney general, Jeff Sessions, for months, and his AG just won’t go away. So the president is calling on his backers to engage in a relentless campaign to defame, smear, denigrate, and disparage Sessions until he hands the keys of the Department of Justice over to the president — illegal as that may be.

Make America Go Autocratic: Steve Bannon sent this over from Breitbart and it got a standing ovation from the president. “Right, enough of this namby-pamby democracy stuff — with absolute power I could really get some amazing stuff done for America!” Whether it prevails or not, the president had this slogan etched onto a bronze plaque, which now sits on his Oval Office desk.

Image for post
MAGA 2018 means more money for the 1%. (Credit: amazon.com)

Money Always Gets Acquitted: The favorite four words of the Trump family as well as the president’s entire billionaire cabinet. This is the slogan that allows them all to sleep at night — an age-old truism of the American justice system that assures that Mr. Trump’s criminal cronies, and even POTUS himself, will buy their way out of trouble. Realizing it may not be popular with the president’s many voters in red states who are living below the poverty line, they’re keeping this one quiet at the White House. But they’ve already had the new hats printed up, green this time, emblazoned with: MAGA, Money Always Gets Acquitted.

****

Thanks all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Written by

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store