Truth In Satire

Winning Olympians Say They Won’t Visit White House For Fear Trump Might Steal Gold

“He took a Purple Heart off a veteran once without earning it, we don’t want him thinking he can pocket one of our medals”

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The U.S. Women’s Hockey Team and other medal winners at the Winter Olympic Games say they’ll skip a meeting with President Donald Trump upon returning home out of fear he might try to snatch their medals.

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“Remember when he took that Purple Heart from the veteran saying he always wanted to have one? Well he probably always wanted to have a gold medal, too, but he’s not getting anywhere near mine,” said the starting goalie for women’s hockey team.

The president did, in fact, accept a Purple Heart in 2016 from a wounded Iraqi War veteran who was also one of his supporters, and commented about how easy it was to get before slipping it into his suit pocket.

“I worked hard for this bling for years and I’m definitely not sharing it with a guy who doesn’t work hard for anything,” said the U.S. men’s luge medalist. “If he wants a silver medal, let him get off his ass and earn it himself.”

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With the Olympics coming to a close this weekend, it is customary for medal winners to receive an invitation from the White House to meet with the president soon after they return to the States. But if this year’s U.S. Olympian’s are any indication, the president won’t get a chance to pilfer any gold, silver, or bronze from these decorated athletes.


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

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