Truth In Satire

White House Releases Long-Awaited “Donald Trump Glossary of Terms”

Having a full understanding of the president’s substitute vocabulary may help Americans better grasp his alternate universe

Donald Trump didn’t understand what you just said, but in his own mind it was about him. (Credit: Politico)

With Donald Trump operating in a world of his own making, The White House thought it would be useful to release a glossary of alternate Trump terms.

This glossary of substitute definitions may help you better comprehend our inscrutable leader. Forty common terms appear on the left with Donald Trump’s alternate definitions on the right:

Necktie: Tape dispenser

Book: Coaster/trivet

Nukes: Toys

Daughter: Mistress/paramour

Illegal: Legal

Defeat (as in popular vote): Victory

Media: Covfefe

Liberals: Leftafefe

Promise: Suggestion

Oath: Suggestion

Pledge: Suggestion

Cats: Furry germs

Dogs: More furry germs

People: Fur-less germs

Charity: Slush fund

Casino: Slush fund

University (as in Trump University): Slush Fund

America: Russia

Coffee: Joefefe

Not Grabbable: Grabbable

Democracy: Dictatorship

Sons: Sacrificial lambs

Advisers: Sacrificial lambs

Vice-President: Sacrificial lamb

Congress: Sacrificial lamb

Chief-of-Staff: Sacrificial lamb

Everyone Else: Sacrificial lambs

Money: Muchofefe

Conversation: Monologue

Negotiation: Command

Paunch: Six-pack

Failure (as a president): Success

Forefathers: Yokels

Philanthropist: Sucker

Cheetos: Spinach

Allies: Enemies

Enemies: Allies

Women: Femifefes

Greet (as with a handshake): Arm wrestle

Hairpiece: Hair


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.


Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

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