Truth In Satire

White House Now Accepting Applications For New First Lady

Shake-up at the highest level continues as President Trump says current wife “doesn’t have all the qualifications I’m looking for”

Sources says President Trump has soured on America’s current First Lady. (Credit: firstpost.com/AP)

The rapid staff turnover creating upheavals in the White House extended into its private quarters this week as sources say the president is now reviewing applications for a new First Lady.

“Mr. Trump has told aides he’s getting close to having the cabinet and staff he wants, but there are still missing pieces on the family front,” revealed one White House source who spoke on condition of anonymity. “The president specifically told John Kelly that he wants to see Melania out by April.”

Two of the applicants vying for the role of new First Lady. (Credit: facet.wp.pl)

While many inside the White House were aware that there was tension between the president and First Lady, and that Mr. Trump did not believe Melania was being as loyal to him as she should be, it was her recent unwillingness to hold his hand at public events that seemed to tip the scales against her.

“The president really soured on his current wife after she recently bucked against his tryst with porn star Stormy Daniels,” continued the inside source. “Mr. Trump felt that Melania should have been more understanding about the sleazy affair, especially since he agreed to stay with her even though her belly got really fat during her pregnancy.”

Things seemed to go south for the first couple when it was revealed that Mr. Trump had been schtuping a porn star while Melania was pregnant with their only child. (Credit: intouchweekly.com)

It is not clear when the president plans to fire the First Lady and bring on a fresh face, but a statement from the White House communications office made her departure seem imminent: “The president has communicated to Melania Trump that she has done an excellent job and that he wishes her luck in her next endeavor, whatever that should be.”

An official termination tweet from the president is expected any day.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

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Thank you.

–AI