Truth In Satire

In Act Of Mercy, Twitter To Begin Suspending Trump’s Account On Sundays

Saying it doesn’t want to be responsible for “a national nervous breakdown,” social media giant will give America a day of rest

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American citizens will be able to hear the tweets of actual birds beginning this Sunday. (Credit: www.salon.com)

The social networking company Twitter announced yesterday that it will begin suspending service to President Donald Trump on Sundays calling it “a respite intended to help Americans heal and prepare for a new week of presidential assaults.”

He’ll have to find some other way to torment the nation on the weekends. (Credit: www.thedailyliberator.com)

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey said that the company had been inundated in the past year by angry, weary, and concerned Americans, as well as politically engaged Twitter users across the globe, asking it to terminate the president’s service:

Give us at least a few days after the man tweets to secure our borders and reevaluate our foreign policy. The man’s a walking international crisis,” wrote one Western European leader.

I’m not sleeping at all anymore and I only occasionally eat,” said the CEO of a small retail manufacturer in Chicago. “You must make him stop!

Even our Lord took a day off…please give Mr. Trump one, too!” suggested a Baptist minister in Georgia.

And the founder of a charitable organization in New York asked: “Are one man’s First Amendment rights more important than the emotional stability of an entire nation?

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One Twitter customer complained, “Adolf Twitler has been torturing me with 140-characters or less for the past year. Am I the only one going insane?” Mr. Dorsey responded in one word: “No.” (Credit: www.robinspost.com)

Mr. Dorsey addressed these questions in his statement yesterday: “While we understand the concern regarding the president’s frequent and sometimes irresponsible use of Twitter, and we often loathe the way he uses our service, we believe that everyone has a right to free speech via our popular social media platform. At this point, Mr. Trump has not violated our rules, so the best we can do is offer a brief Sunday suspension of his Twitter account.”

According to Twitter’s user regulations, it may cancel an account for a variety of reasons, including violent threats made by a user, attacks on other people based on race, religion, or gender and targeted abuse or harassment.

While Mr. Dorsey admits that President Trump has walked a fine line with many of his 140-character messages, the Twitter founder said that the “commander in tweet” has not yet crossed that line.

It is also worth noting that Mr. Trump has 33 million followers on the micro-blogging platform and it is good for the company’s bottom line to keep him tweeting constantly.

As soon as the news was announced that the president would be kicked off Twitter for one day a week, Americans took to the streets in celebration, canceled anxiety and anti-depressant medications, and planned to sleep in on Sundays.

“I feel like I finally have a chance to get my life back on track and properly take care of my children for the first time in a year without having to pop tranquilizers every two minutes,” said a mother of four in Albuquerque, NM. “Shutting Trump down at least one day a week is like God giving us our Sundays and sanity back!”

Mr. Dorsey said that the president’s Sunday suspension would begin this weekend and continue indefinitely.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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