Truth In Satire

Trump’s Sons Receive Military Deferments On Eve Of War With North Korea

Eric and Donald Trump Jr. both cite bone spurs as reason they cannot serve, echoing father’s Vietnam War excuse

“Ouch! Please don’t step on our feet — we have bone spurs!” (Credit: USA News Post)

With self-restraint now the only thing preventing a war with North Korea, and President Donald Trump being woefully short of that mitigating trait, both sides are preparing for a conflict to begin within days, one that would likely result in devastating carnage.

But two people who will not be at the front lines of any military campaign will be Eric and Donald Trump Jr.. The Pentagon announced today that both men have received military deferments for bone spur conditions in their feet.

Like father, like sons. (Credit: ABC News)

Ironically, this is the same condition that prevented their father, President Donald Trump, from serving in the Vietnam War in the 1960’s. It is a source of frequent speculation that Fred Trump, the father of the president, was able to buy his son’s way out of military service, with bone spurs listed as the disqualifying medical condition. The president was a perfectly healthy young man and a basketball star at his military academy, just months before Selective Service conscription was activated for the Vietnam War.

Darn, we could have used a couple of handsome, slicked back soldiers to take on those stern, robotic, chin-up North Koreans. (Credit: Vanity Fair)

But Dr. Arthur Chicaneria, a podiatrist who examined the two scions over the holiday weekend, had no doubt about the medical conditions afflicting the two Trump sons. He issued this brief statement on Wednesday:

“Eric and Donald Trump Jr. walked into my office together limping in pain. I could tell immediately upon watching their gaits that both men suffered from severe cases of bone spurs. It took me less than five minutes to make my diagnosis. By no means are they in any shape to be pressed into military service. I have written a note stating the same to the Selective Service Board.”

With their vast experience around guns and unarmed animals, the Trump brothers would have been a good addition to the American fighting forces facing the North Koreans. Or maybe not. (Credit: Animal Ideology)

Asked to make a statement after leaving Dr. Chicaneria’s midtown Manhattan office, neither Trump son had a comment. They were immediately driven by limousine to Kennedy Airport where they were flying to Nepal on a hunting trip to track down and kill a rare Kathmandu Fantomcat. The Trump brothers are not expected back until the brouhaha over their military deferments blows over.


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