Truth In Satire

Trump’s “Midas Touch” Turns To Kiss Of Death For Anyone In His Orbit

Word is out among family, friends, aides and appointees — “get too close to the ‘poison president’ and your life will turn to shit”

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He’s like cancer but only worse. (Credit: www.theatlantic.com)

WARNING: Donald Trump’s good luck in the private sector is not translating into success as a public official and the curse appears to be communicable.

In fact, Mr. Trump’s much ballyhooed “Midas Touch” has become a certain “kiss of death” for anyone in his orbit. So much so that word is spreading among his family, friends, political aides and administration appointees not to get too close to the jinxed president “if you want to keep the devastating POTUS plague from engulfing every aspect of your life.”

“You aren’t going to get rich and you aren’t going to get lucky if you align your fortunes with Donald Trump’s,” says one of the president’s former business associates. “You’re going to get screwed.”

To date there have been approximately 50 staff firings, resignations or other departures from the Trump administration and every one of those people has described the complete breakdown of their lives ever since.

“One day I was on top of the world, at the peak of my political career, and in a month everything unraveled,” said one senior staffer who left the White House in March of 2017, just weeks after the inauguration. “My reputation was tarnished irrevocably, my husband was embarrassed to be seen with me, my kids started failing in school. Even my own mother started court proceedings to formally disown me. Attaching myself to Donald Trump was the worst thing I ever did.”

The curse of the commander in chief has become so injurious to those who around him, in fact, that the White House is now talking to federal prison officials about sending inmates to serve out their sentences in Washington instead of a penitentiary.

“We figure either way the punishment is severe, so we might as well get these convicts, you know, people whose lives are shit already and can’t get much worse, working for Trump,” said Morris Colbright, a federal prison warden. “But the problem will come when the president and all his corrupt cronies are indicted and imprisoned, too. Then what do we do? The entire Trump government will be incarcerated and only our felons will be left up there in Washington to lead. Then it’s grab a shiv and start governing, I guess.”

No word yet from the White House as to whether the new prisoner employment strategy will be implemented.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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