A Rerun, But Relevant:

Trump’s Mexican Guac Block Finally Awakens Millennials

Nothing has stirred the ire of this politically apathetic demographic group like the president’s threat to tax avocados

He’s done it now. President Trump’s threat to put tariffs on Mexican imports, effectively cutting off America’s cheap supply of avocados, is sending shock waves through the heretofore politically apathetic millennial generation.

“Say what!? Avocados? That bastard,” said one millennial who was on her cell phone in a WeWork office in Manhattan. “If Trump blocks my guac, I’m actually going to vote, and vote against him, in 2020!”

Another millennial playing video games on his phone in a mall in Los Angeles heard about the avocado tax for the first time from this reporter. “Wait, Trump is going to remove avocados from Whole Foods? Can he do that? That really pisses me…oh, hang on, I’m about to get max level in Fortnite, later.”

Millennials currently represent 25% of the American population. If this sleeping (literally) giant of a voter base wakes up, it will definitely be a force in the next presidential election. Which means that withholding their guacamole could prove to be Donald Trump’s downfall.

In fact, Republican lawmakers are discouraging the president from taxing Mexican imports next week in the hopes of keeping millennials in the dark and asleep.

“We want to assure millennials that there will be no blocking of the guacamole, so they can continue to obsess about the Kardashians and post photos of their avocado toast on Instagram as if nothing has happened,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell. “No need to get politically involved. Just go back to your stupor.”

With that reassurance from the GOP majority leader, millennials are said to be returning to Soul Cycle classes and their Juul pens.


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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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