Truth In Satire

Trump Will Wear Old Military Academy Uniform For Parade Spectacle

Completing his transformation to full-blown dictator, president will dress in fake military regalia to attend armed services display

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Aspiring Generalismo Donald Trump has reportedly been experimenting with several military-themed suiting options for his fall 2018 military parade. (Credit: crooksandliars.com)

resident Donald Trump has recruited a team of skilled tailors to alter his old military academy dress uniform for use at his multi-million dollar, taxpayer-funded, patriot parade this fall.

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Mr. Trump has a team of tailors adding yards of fabric to his old military academy dress uniform so he can act like a powerful tyrant while watching his fake parade. (Credit: thedailybeast.com)

According to sources inside the White House, the president has been marching around the Oval Office in a variety of military-themed uniforms created so he can look more imposing as he reviews armored vehicles, personnel carriers, and American troops marching through the streets of Washington.

“He looks kind of silly, if I can be honest,” said one retired four-star general currently working in the Trump administration who was speaking off the record, “but I don’t want to say anything to his face because he is, in effect, my commander in chief. And he’s so pumped up about this ludicrous armed services parade of his.”

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One of the despot uniforms Mr. Trump has been modeling for use this fall. (Credit: upload.democraticunderground.com

Another highly-decorated, former military officer who holds a position in the Defense Department said, “Trump’s kind of fat and out of shape now, and the old throwback uniform looks more like a bad Halloween costume. We’re all laughing behind his back, but he doesn’t realize it.”

The president, who fancies himself a military man because he attended high school at the New York Military Academy (NYMA) in Cornwall-On-Hudson, occasionally dons his old dress uniform when meeting with top military officials at the White House. Mr. Trump famously said on the campaign trail for the 2016 election, that despite receiving five draft deferments throughout the Vietnam War, “I always felt that I was in the military” because of the training he got at the NYMA.

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Mr. Trump has asked for “longer epaulets and more brass” on his fake parade uniform. (Credit: demu.gr/100210200728)

He also received harsh criticism for saying that the experiences he had at the expensive boarding school, where he was exiled by his father because he was an incorrigible bully in his former Queens neighborhood, gave him “more training militarily than a lot of the guys that go into the military.”

While that statement — as well as the one he made about Senator John McCain not being a Vietnam War hero because he got caught — has angered legitimate U.S. military men and women, the president continues to unabashedly try on suiting options for his desired, but controversial public display of military might.

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Mr. Trump (second from left) sometimes wore a parade helmet with a chin strap that kept his mouth shut. Many are hoping he’ll use the same helmet leading up to his public display of American power. (Credit: npr.org)

Professional tailors are currently enlarging Mr. Trump’s high school uniform with matching blue-gray fabric, while adding epaulets, medals and ribbons that he didn’t earn, per the president’s instructions.

While the Pentagon is reportedly exploring options for Mr. Trump’s parade, many inside and out of the military have expressed disapproval with the idea of an elaborate and expensive display of weaponry rumbling down Pennsylvania Avenue just to stroke the president’s ego.

Robert O’Neill, a retired Navy SEAL who was part of the team that killed Osama bin Laden, recently tweeted that a “military parade is third world bullshit” and not the American way.

Meanwhile, Mr. Trump is talking to friends in the N.R.A. about providing him with a “big, bad-ass sidearm to wear on my hip when I’m in the reviewing stands.”

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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