Truth In Satire

Trump To Profit From His Impeachment By Issuing Commemorative Gold Coin

President calls limited edition “Departing POTUS” tribute coin “a great way to own a piece of my exit action”

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Never one to squander a quick money-making scheme, President Donald Trump announced on Tuesday that he’ll be issuing a limited edition, 24k gold-plated “Departing POTUS” novelty coin once Robert Mueller’s office sends down the indictments that will start of the impeachment process. Those new, fatally damning indictments are expected to come within weeks.

In cooperation with Aziz Collectibles, a well-known “tribute” coin manufacturer, the president has arranged for the first minting of his coins to be ready by April 1st, which legal experts say coincides with the likely conclusion of the special counsel’s investigation.

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In his statement, Mr. Trump included a paragraph of promotional copy that he says highlights how “very special these handsome gold-plated coins will be for political buffs and lovers of unique collectibles”:

“This limited edition, 24k gold-plated ‘Departing POTUS’ novelty coin — measuring 1 3/4 inch in diameter, 1/8 inch thick, and weighing a hefty 30 grams — is simply a must-have for all fans of Donald J. Trump’s short but impactful presidency. It will arrive in an orange velvet box, complete with a signed ‘Certificate of Impeachment’ from the Justice Department and a printed statement from special counsel Robert Mueller’s office listing Mr. Trump’s astounding 47 felonious crimes leading to his rapid downfall as detailed in court documents.”

Here are some other features of the “Departing POTUS” commemorative coin as described in the materials released by the White House:

  • ONE-OF-A-KIND: Get the very first presidential impeachment tribute coin ever issued. Between your fingers (no groping, please!) you will hold an extraordinary political moment captured in fine precious metal as the beleaguered Mr. Trump, now officially rated the worst president in American history, makes his exit from Washington in ignominy.
  • EXACTING DETAIL: The handsome image of President Donald J. Trump shows him departing the Oval Office with his double chins held high and a look of defiance on his face. The reverse side depicts the presidential eagle insignia in 3D relief to communicate that the United States will survive this scourge on our democracy and soar once again.
  • HIGHEST QUALITY: Finely minted craftsmanship, finished with brilliant 24k gold plating. The outer ring is plated with a lustrous, highly polished silver plating. While not legal tender, you could probably resell your coin in a few years for a small fortune.
  • A MUST FOR ANY SERIOUS COIN COLLECTOR: The “Departing POTUS” tribute coin is a priceless gift item and very collectible.
  • FAMOUS, IRON-CLAD TRUMP GUARANTEE: We’ll get back to you on this.
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According to the literature provided, the coin will sell for $13.95 apiece. If popular, especially among the 65 million people who voted for Hillary Clinton, the outgoing president could earn as much $38 million.

It is not known, however, whether Mr. Trump will be allowed to keep all of the proceeds from the sale of his coin, as there is no precedent for a president cashing in on his own impeachment.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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