Truth In Satire

Trump Tells Two Million Teens Marching On White House To “Stay Off My Lawn!”

President’s tone-deaf response to student protesters demanding action on gun violence steels their determination

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Mr. Trump was concerned that the March For Our Lives demonstration might cross his lawn. (Credit:

As nearly two million teens marched toward the White House on Saturday demanding tougher gun control laws, President Donald Trump sent word via aides that “those kids better stay off my lawn!”

According to sources inside the private residence, the president spent much of the day holed up in an upstairs bedroom with the lights off and the shades down, as literally hundreds of thousands of young, defiant demonstrators let him know that inaction on the issue of gun violence was not an option.

One group of about 100,000 protesters chanted in unison as they faced the White House, “Hired Gun, Donald’s Done!,” in reference to President Trump’s unwavering support of the National Rifle Association.

When told that the angry crowd was pressing up against the White House perimeter fence along Pennsylvania Avenue, the president apparently responded, “Well they better keep out of daffodils because they just started coming up last week.”

Students activists and other anti-gun demonstrators say that this kind of tone-deaf response from President Trump is exactly why they plan to continue their protests until he pressures his Republican-controlled Congress to pass stricter gun control legislation or, according to them, “We’ll use the ballot box in November to vote out every NRA-funded, gun-loving politician in this country. We are taking no prisoners in this fight for our lives.”

With growing anger in the streets, the president issued this brief statement late Saturday afternoon: “I applaud all these young Americans visiting Washington D.C. today to see the cherry blossoms around the Tidal Basin. Enjoy, teen people, then go home.”

One 17-year-old activist who came to the nation’s capital from Pennsylvania with a sign that read, “No More Silence, End Gun Violence,” said when told of the president’s remarks, “We’re getting shot dead in school and Trump’s worried about us trampling his tulips? He better worry about us trampling his presidency, because that’s what everyone I know is committed to doing this fall.”

There was no word from the president on Saturday night about the predicted flattening of his flowers and his administration by a new generation of well-informed, fearless, issue-driven voters.


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