Truth In Satire

Trump Tells 40,000 Boy Scouts That Their Code Of Honor “Is For Pussies”

President also urges Scouts to focus on making money rather than helping others and to rally against the “nasty fake news”

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Mr. Trump introduced the Boy Scouts to a new type of salute that he demanded they use whenever they greet him. (Credit: NY Mag)

efore a gathering of thousands of Boy Scouts at their national jamboree in West Virginia, President Donald Trump pilloried the free press — a cornerstone of American democracy — and told the young citizens that they should “fight against the unfair, fake news and demand more nice stories about me.”

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The president intended to take the three-fingered Boy Scout pledge, but could not get his hand in the proper position. (Credit: USA Today)

The president also encouraged the 40,000 impressionable Boy Scouts to eschew service to others in favor of “making big league billions, like your president — ‘cause money talks and suckers walk, am I right?”

About 20 minutes into his speech, Mr. Trump referred to his “incredible” election win and started railing in fiery tones against his former opponent, Hillary Clinton, leading the scouts in a chant of “Lock Her Up!” Most in attendance seemed to hesitatingly join the president in the anachronistic rallying cry.

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When the president urged the hormone-stiffened boy scouts to “grab as many bearded clams as you can get your hands on,” a senior Scout Master appeared quickly and escorted Mr. Trump offstage. (Credit: Reuters)

At one point, the president started exhorting the preteen and teenage, neckerchief-clad boys to “get a lot of hot, young pussy while you can…,” but was quickly shut down by a Scout Leader who rushed onto the stage and gently suggested that Mr. Trump conclude his remarks.

“What? Why?” the president replied. “When I was their age I was hammering the hoo-haw a couple times a week — they can handle it, believe me, they love it.”

Nevertheless, the president did wrap up his message by telling the Scouts that their renowned code of conduct, which includes virtuous ideals like loyalty, trustworthiness, honesty, and friendliness, was no longer relevant “at at time when the bad guys are waiting around the corner to kill you just for calling them ‘diaper-head’ or ‘camel jockey.’ Your little code of conduct isn’t going to help you then, boys. Frankly, only candy-ass wimps go for that on-my-honor stuff — it’s for total pussies. What you want to do is get yourself some assault weapons…and not be afraid to use them.”

Mr. Trump then walked off the stage to the iconic slasher song from the 1960 Alfred Hitchcock film, “Psycho,” which few in the large gathering of Scouts appeared to recognize.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week, until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment and I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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