Truth In Satire

Trump Will Be First U.S. President To Have Personal Food Taster

Competitive eating champion, Joey Chestnut, has agreed to sample the president’s meals to make sure they’re safe

Donald Trump was a judge the year Chestnut devoured 66 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes to set a new world record. “I knew even then that someday Joey’s stomach would be a part of my White House team.”
Chestnut says he’s not afraid to ingest poison or get seriously ill to protect the president and serve his country. “I would gladly puke for my Commander-in-Chief, no question.”
Japanese competitive eater Kobayashi, famous for his samurai stomach, will lead Mr. Trump’s traveling team of food tasters.
Creepy chef and prodigious eater Mario Batali has been asked to join the PTFS. President Trump is very fond of Batali’s ubiquitous orange Crocs.
Count Corpulent, a son of Princess Chunk, will sample beef, chicken, turkey and fish dishes for President Trump and his family.

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