Truth In Satire
Trump Will Be First U.S. President To Have Personal Food Taster
Competitive eating champion, Joey Chestnut, has agreed to sample the president’s meals to make sure they’re safe
Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, winner of 55 career eating contests and renowned for having an iron stomach, was chosen by President Donald Trump today to be his official food taster.
Tasked primarily with ensuring that the president’s meals have not been poisoned or tainted with, Chestnut will also be recruiting and leading a 10-person, toxin detection team. This move comes after a Russian spy and his daughter were recently poisoned in London with a military-grade toxin.
“I saw Joey take down Kobayashi at Nathan’s hot dog eating contest in 2007, the year I was a judge, and I knew right then that if I ever needed someone to test my food for poison, Joey was my man,” said the president. “Imagine the balls on this guy, knowing that every mouthful of presidential food he eats could be his last. I love him, I call him Joesy, or Joe-boy, sometimes Joe Nosh, whatever.”
The record-breaking competitive eater will be moving from his San Jose home to Washington, D.C. next week, staying in a suite of rooms adjacent to the White House kitchen.
