Truth In Satire

Trump Shatters Glass Ceiling — Appoints Daughter To Be First Woman President After His Resignation

“By naming Ivanka as Commander-In-Chief, I’ve done something that no woman before me has been able to do”

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Donald Trump announced that he has named his daughter, Ivanka, to take his place after resigning. While pleased with the news, Ivanka slipped into a state of smiling catatonia during the press conference.

onald Trump fulfilled a campaign promise today to be “the best president for women” by making his favorite female the next President of the United States upon his resignation.

Saying he has a TV show to produce and a business to run, Donald Trump broke with convention yet again, relinquishing the presidency to his eldest daughter Ivanka, telling reporters that she is extremely capable and fully qualified to take his place, “even more so than Mikey the Bible Beater.”

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“In addition to being very smart and incredibly successful, your new president will have a magnificent pair of luscious knockers,” said the colorful Donald Trump.

“This is an amazing moment in American history as I, Donald J. Trump, finally succeeded in breaking the glass ceiling for women. By appointing my daughter Ivanka to be the first female president of the USA, I am keeping the Trump name in the White House while avoiding any conflicts of interest by retaining full control of my businesses. I truly believe this is a win-win for the country.”

Only one other American president, Richard Nixon, has ever voluntarily stepped away from the office, but Mr. Trump has proven time and again that he is not like any politician who’s come before him.

Constitutional lawyers are unsure what the protocol is now that Trump has abdicated the presidency and appointed his daughter. While some argue that Mike Pence should automatically be named president, others are sort of turned on by the prospect of Ivanka occupying the Oval Office.

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Senator Haley Jaspers of Georgia (R) reacted favorably to the news of Donald Trump relinquishing the presidency to his daughter, exclaiming enthusiastically, “Hot diggity dog!” (Credit: sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_R._Pitts)

“A strict reading of the Constitution would suggest that President Trump has no authority to re-assign the office to someone else,” said Dr. Taylor Metheun, Director of Constitutional Studies at Harvard Law School. “However, the Constitution is more than 200-years-old and rapidly losing its relevancy. This is probably a matter for the Republican-controlled Congress to take up, but it stands to reason that those closet deviants will choose Ivanka over the current vice-president.”

A straw poll taken among Republican lawmakers did indicate unanimous support for the president’s move, with one southern congressman speaking colloquially on behalf of his Republican colleagues about Ivanka Trump saying, “Hubba hubba!”

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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