Truth In Satire

Trump Shatters Glass Ceiling — Appoints Daughter To Be First Woman President After His Impeachment

“By naming Ivanka as commander in chief, I’ve done something that no woman before me has been able to do”

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President Trump announced that he will name his daughter, Ivanka, to take his place after his impeachment. While pleased with the news, Ivanka slipped into a state of smiling catatonia during the press conference. (Credit: thehansindia.com)

onald Trump fulfilled a 2016 campaign promise to be “the best president for women in history” by naming his favorite female to be the next President of the United States after his impeachment.

Saying he has a TV show to produce and a business to run, Mr. Trump broke with political convention yet again over the weekend, relinquishing the presidency to his eldest daughter Ivanka, telling reporters that she is “extremely capable and fully qualified to take my place, even more so than Mikey the Bible Boy.”

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“In addition to being very smart and incredibly successful, your new president will have a magnificent pair of knockers,” said the outgoing Donald Trump. (Credit: www.lokmatnews.in)

The president went on to outline the reasons for his decision: “This is an amazing moment in American history as I, Donald J. Trump, finally succeed in breaking the glass ceiling for women. By appointing my daughter Ivanka to be the first female president of the USA, I am keeping the Trump name in the White House while avoiding any conflicts of interest by retaining full control of my businesses. I truly believe this is a win-win for the country, as well as for the vast Trump real estate and very legitimate business empire.”

Most legal experts say that it is unlawful for Mr. Trump to abdicate the presidency and appoint his daughter to the position, as if America was a monarchy. But while a majority of constitutional lawyers argue that Mike Pence must automatically be named president, some admit that they are turned on by the prospect of Ivanka Trump occupying the White House.

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Senator Haley Jaspers of Georgia (R) reacted favorably to the news of Donald Trump relinquishing the presidency to his daughter, exclaiming enthusiastically, “Hot diggity dog!” (Credit: sv.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_R._Pitts)

“A strict reading of the Constitution would suggest that President Trump has no authority to re-assign his office to someone else,” said Dr. Michael Levitan, Director of Constitutional Studies at Harvard Law School. “However, the Constitution is now more than 200-years-old and rapidly losing relevancy. This is probably a matter for the Republican-controlled Congress to take up and those closet GOP deviants will surely choose Ivanka over the current vice-president.”

A straw poll taken among Republican lawmakers did indicate strong support for the president’s unorthodox move, with one southern congressman speaking colloquially about Ivanka on behalf of his GOP colleagues saying, “Hubba hubba!”

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Many are saying that a President Ivanka Trump would be popular with the military. (Credit: http://lapsi.al)

An attempt to reach special counsel Robert Mueller for his comments on the president’s plan to install his daughter as the next POTUS, and how the president’s extraordinary move might impact his decision to indict Mr. Trump, were not successful. However, the special counsel’s office did issue this statement:

“Nothing that President Trump does to distract our team from investigating his involvement in Russian collusion will work. However, Mr. Mueller does admit that as distractions go, the president has made an impressive effort here and he sends props to Mr. Trump and greetings to his daughter. That’s the only comment our office will be making on this matter.”

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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