Truth In Satire

Trump Sends Pence To Southern Border To Oversee “Operation Detain-A-Baby”

Vice president will personally enforce administration’s policy of breaking up families and ripping infants away from parents

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Vice president Mike Pence pacifying immigrant children with toys before snatching them away from their parents and placing them in kiddie jail. (Credit:

resident Donald Trump dispatched his second in command to the U.S.-Mexico border on Tuesday afternoon to personally oversee “Operation Detain-A-Baby,” as the administration’s policy of separating immigrant families seeking asylum has been escalating.

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Mr. Pence sneaking off with a one-year-old Honduran baby who will be fingerprinted, then lost in the system somewhere. (Credit:

Vice president Mike Pence traveled with a strike team from the White House which will be tasked with ripping babies and toddlers from the arms of their mothers and throwing them into government detention centers.

“Operation Detain-A-Baby is too sensitive an undertaking for just anyone to manage,” said President Trump in the Rose Garden as he dispatched his vice president to the southern border. “I need Mike to get down there as soon as possible and lock these babies up before they join MS-13 and kill a lot of innocent Americans.”

MS-13 is a street gang from Long Island, NY that President Trump often says epitomizes the dangers of letting illegal immigrants into the country, saying “they just end up murdering American citizens.” However, there is no evidence that unaccompanied minors under three years of age who are currently being detained at the southern border will become MS-13 members later in life.

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President Trump says he’s also hoping to get down to the border for some “baby snatching” before the humanitarian crisis comes to an end. (Credit:

Questioned by reporters about the need for “Operation Detain-A-Baby,” as well as the continuation of his administration’s highly controversial and inhumane policy of separating young children from their parents, in some cases permanently, Mr. Trump said, “Look, I don’t like it either, not one bit. But we are bound by laws passed by the Democrats to lock up babies with smelly, dirty diapers who are often covered with germs and probably carrying south-of-the-border type diseases. My first job is to protect Americans from these dangerously infested babies.”

Vice president Pence is expected to remain at the border until all unaccompanied minors are lost in bureaucratic red tape.


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