Allan Ishac’s Naked Satire

Trump Says Puerto Rico Is Lagging Behind Texas And Florida,“Needs To Step It Up”

President tells residents to“shake a burrito and get a move on because I can’t keep taking these whiny calls from San Juan”

Saying that the Texas and Florida recovery efforts are going smoothly but Puerto Rico “is sadly lagging behind,” President Trump warned residents of the island territory to “hurry up and recover because I’ve got other things to do and I’m losing interest fast.”

With these latest comments, millions of Puerto Ricans, most still without water, food, medical supplies, and power after the devastation left behind by Hurricane Maria, now fear that the president’s famously short attention span will result in them being ignored and neglected while the immediate crisis deepens and they move into the months-long recovery phase.

Anger on the Caribbean Island also built rapidly Friday night after reports that Mr. Trump, speaking from his Bedminster golf resort in New Jersey while sipping a mai tai, told reporters “we’ve got lots of people doing an amazing job down there, but in typical Puerto Rican fashion, the natives are just waiting around for us to hand them food, water, Band-Aids, and other necessities. They need to get down to the ports and help us unload those shipping containers, not just sit around watching TV all day expecting us to serve them.”

Those remarks infuriated the vocal Mayor of San Juan, Carmen Yulín Cruz, who, speaking at a press conference, said, “President Trump, you are killing us with the inefficiency and the bureaucracy … I am done being polite, I’m done being politically correct, I’m mad as hell. We are dying here. We are not sitting around watching television!”

Stunningly, President Trump tweeted early on Saturday morning that Mayor Cruz was “too nasty,” and that residents of the island needed to start helping themselves.

It is not known now whether the president will carry through on his plans to visit Puerto Rico on Tuesday. A White House spokesman said that Mr. Trump learned only yesterday that ATM machines were down across the island and “prefers to wait until the people are in a better position to purchase some of his terrific hurricane merchandise.”


Author’s Note: I’ll laugh at anything, but there’s nothing funny about American citizens in Puerto Rico who are hungry, thirsty, and without medical aid or power. From friends on the scene, here are the best places to donate to the relief effort:

www.embracingpuertorico.comrun by the Banco Popular Foundation, 100% of proceeds going to recovery efforts

www.helpprdespacito.comcreated by a reputable group called ConPRmetidos with 100% of proceeds going to the recovery fund

www.unidosporpuertorico.comorganized by Puerto Rico’s First Lady with 100% of proceeds aiding in the recovery


Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.


Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

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