Truth In Satire

Trump Says His Experience Draining The Swamp Makes Houston “A No-Brainer”

President tells governor of Texas that his visit on Tuesday “will not only help in the clean-up, but should be a huge ratings getter”

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President Trump assured the citizens of Texas that his “swamp draining skills” would bring them relief soon. (Credit: nymagazine.com)

With Hurricane Harvey already dumping 11 trillion gallons of water on the Houston area, President Donald Trump will visit the scene of historic devastation on Tuesday “to bring calm to our fourth largest city and drain that big Texas swamp the same way I did in Washington.”

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Mr. Trump says he’ll look Harvey “right in the eye and tell him we don’t like his kind coming around here and making trouble.” (Credit: conservativemedia.com)

The president did not seem to understand the full impact of the crippling storm or that there was no quick fix to rising floodwaters that will probably not recede for weeks and which will certainly leave behind unprecedented damage that will take years to repair.

Mr. Trump was particularly surprised to hear that the Army Corps of Engineers could not simply pull a central cork in the middle of the city to begin draining Houston. He later tweeted:

“Just learned no main stopper or plug in Houston to drain rain water. Huge Obama administration fail. Sad.”

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At a FEMA meeting, President Trump dons his magic cap which makes him look even more ridiculous and incompetent. (Credit: pitbulldogbreed.com)

The president also told Texas Governor Greg Abbot in an afternoon phone call on Monday that his upcoming visit would receive big ratings, “which will not only make your state famous but probably get you a reality TV show — American audiences love this disaster stuff. And I’ve seen you, you’re good in front of a camera.”

President Trump went further, not only promising Gov. Abbot vital help in the form of federal disaster relief funds, but also in making contacts with television bigwigs and collaborating on a prime time show together. The president suggested they call their reality TV concept, “Donald Trump To The Rescue!”

Mr. Abbot, a Republican who has served as governor of Texas since 2015, was hesitant to criticize President Trump for his cavalier approach to a one-in-a-thousand year storm that will probably end up inundating his state with 25 trillion gallons of rain water when it’s all over.

But the governor did say he hoped the president would not mention the “horrible loss of weekend tee times in Texas, as he did when we were on the phone together Monday. I can’t imagine that there is a single person in our state right now who is worried about missing their golf game on Saturday.”

Author’s Note: I have been criticized in the past week for writing satirical posts about the destructive and deadly hurricanes that have hit the U.S.. It’s true, I’ll try to find humor in anything and I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone. That said, if you must sandbag your home against floodwaters, it is best to stack Republicans in the path of the surge because they are heavier, thicker, and less likely to budge.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

Remember, I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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