Truth In Satire
Trump Says Flare Up Of Bone Spurs May Keep Him From Appearing Before Mueller
President was advised by Rudy Guiliani, newest member of legal team, to use old medical condition to buy time with investigators
Rudolf Giuliani, a longtime friend of Donald Trump’s and a former federal prosecutor, joined his legal team on Thursday and immediately directed the president to adopt an unconventional strategy to dodge a face-to-face interview with Robert Mueller. Plead bone spurs…again.
“The president has been hobbled for the past few weeks with a flare-up of bone spurs in his heels, the same condition that caused him, sadly, to miss military service during the Vietnam War,” said Mr. Giuliani during a press conference at the White House on Friday. “I’ve spoken to his doctors who tell me there is no way President Trump can sit before Bob Mueller’s investigators in the kind of pain he’s in right now. We’ll have to postpone any interview until later in the year.”
Reached for comment, Mr. Trump’s personal podiatrist, Dr. Jack Trotter, added: “The president is in real agony right now and can barely swing a golf club. No man should have to undergo an interrogation in Mr. Trump’s condition. As everyone knows, there is no ailment more painful than bone spurs.”
Dr. Trotter says he is consulting with other foot specialists around the globe to see what kind of medical relief they can recommend that might allow the president to appear before Mr. Mueller and his team before the midterm elections.
“Right now I’m telling Mr. Trump that it’s touch-and-go as far as him traveling to Mr. Mueller office across town before late November,” said Dr. Trotter. “The condition might even require him to rest his feet far from the stress of an investigation for the duration of his presidency.”
Mr. Giuliani said he has been meeting daily at the bedside of the president who has been courageously trying to walk wearing well-cushioned orthopedic shoes, but his pain has been unbearable.
“I’ve known Donald Trump a long time and I know he is the kind of man who is determined not to let a severe bone spur condition prevent him from allowing the Mueller investigation to proceed unimpeded,” said Mr. Giuliani. “He reminded me, heroically, that JFK lived with crippling back pain while in office and FDR led the country from a wheelchair. ‘If they could do it,’ the president told me, ‘then Donald J. Trump will find a way, because I must forge on to make America great again.’ I can’t tell you how inspiring it was to hear those words from our fearless leader.”
Americans have expressed strong feelings about the latest reports of President Trump’s bone spur condition. A Harris poll conducted Friday night indicated that less than 15% of Americans from both parties agreed with Dr. Trotter that Mr. Trump should not risk his golf handicap over something like a Russian inquiry.
Pollsters believe that the skeptical nature of those Americans queried on Friday might prove problematic for the president and his administration in the days and weeks ahead.
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–AI
