Truth In Satire

Trump Says End Of America “Could Be Very Soon Or Not So Soon At All”

President’s confusing rhetoric leaves many feeling they can’t plan an evacuation while he’s dicking around with their democracy

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“Will it all end soon, or not so soon, or yesterday, or a month from now…only I know for sure!” (Credit: hurriyetdailynews.com)

puzzling series of tweets by President Donald Trump on Thursday morning has left many Americans confused about when he plans to drive the final nail in the coffin of the nation.

Mr. Trump’s waffling about his ongoing strategy for the permanent destruction of the pillars of democracy has Americans who have been planning to flee the country in the weeks ahead unsure about what actions to take to survive.

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New National Security Advisor John Bolton has an orgasm as Mr. Trump describes his chaotic Black Swan scenario for dissolving America. (Credit:cnn.com)

“My plans to destroy America could be very soon or not so soon at all,” read the president’s baffling Thursday tweet. “I’m being very cagey about my decision here because I don’t want our enemies to know exactly when I’m going to do and take advantage of us. I’m keeping them off balance, see? That’s why I’m a negotiating genius while all the other presidents were the world’s dumbest ever. I call my strategy ‘frenemy freakout” and everyone is calling it brilliant, believe me.”

Reaction to Mr. Trump’s “frenemy freakout” strategy has been swift across the political spectrum.

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Republican Sen. Bob Corker indicates how tiny his balls are. (Credit: washingtonpost.com)

“The president seems committed to destroying the country and all its democratic institutions, and I appreciate his resolve on that score,” said Senator Bob Corker, a Republican from Tennessee and one of many spineless GOP legislators who kowtow to Mr. Trump, “but I owe it to the people of my state to tell them exactly when they should make a run for it, and that’s not at all clear from the president’s Twitter messages today.”

“This guy is such an existential threat to the nation, I plan to go on MSNBC tonight and express my outrage to Rachel Maddow about the president’s frenemy freakout nonsense,” said Sen. Chuck Schumer, the loudmouth, lame minority leader from New York. “If that doesn’t scare the bejesus out him, I’ll head right over to CNN and pound the table ineffectually on Anderson Cooper’s show, too. Trump won’t get away with this as long as capable Chuck Schumer is on the case!”

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As Captain Drumpf sinks America’s ship, Speaker Paul “Smug” Ryan wants to be remembered for the big tax cut that no on will enjoy. (Credit: www.cbsnews.com)

Paul Ryan, the Speaker of the House who announced his retirement on Wednesday and is now free to criticize the president without voter repercussion, had this to say about Mr. Trump’s bewildering mixed messages: “My Republican colleagues and I realize that the president is about to dismantle 250 years of the greatest democratic experiment in the history of the world, but we also think it’s important to acknowledge that we recently passed the largest tax cut ever. As we lower the stars and stripes for the last time, I hope Americans will take as much pride in that achievement as I do. Adios, amigos.”

It is not clear what will happen to the United States once President Trump lays it to ruin, but Russia, China, Germany, and even a coalition of Mexican and Canadian interests say that they would be interested in sharing the spoils.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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