Truth In Satire

Trump Said To Be Planning “One-Crisis-Per-Day” Campaign Strategy To Ensure Re-Election

The president has told aides, “…keeping the voters scared and off-balance on a daily basis will guarantee my victory”

The new Trump campaign slogan is KAFA: Keep America Frightened Always. (Credit:
  • Levy tariffs on dozens of trading partners, only to save the day and send stock markets soaring by rescinding said tariffs within a week.
  • Spread rumors of an “imminent alien invasion,” launch “invisible rockets” into the atmosphere, and claim “total annihilation” of the invading extraterrestrials thanks to leadership of DJT. Do this couple times a month.
  • Start wildfires across western states — especially California, Oregon, and other “blue pockets” — aiming path of destruction at key voting centers.
  • Release deadly flu and other viruses across the country, with a focus on inner city neighborhoods.
  • Have Vladimir Putin initiate a wave of extensive cyber attacks targeting “Jewish-owned news outlets.”
  • Get Melania to fake a terrible illness to generate “voter sympathy.” Do this week of Republic convention. Have GOP reps and media surrogates cry for first lady on national TV.

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