Truth In Satire
Trump Said To Be Planning “One-Crisis-Per-Day” Campaign Strategy To Ensure Re-Election
The president has told aides, “…keeping the voters scared and off-balance on a daily basis will guarantee my victory”
Donald Trump has told White House aides that he’s planning a “One-Crisis-Per-Day”campaign strategy to guarantee his re-election in 2020.
According to sources inside the Trump administration, the president has outlined various crises “he wants us to work on” before the November vote to in order to “keep voters really scared, off-balance, and desperate for stability and continuity.”
Some of the crises Donald Trump is planning to provoke or foster are said to include:
- More drone assassinations of bad guys from Iran, North Korea, China, and several from Canada.
- Levy tariffs on dozens of trading partners, only to save the day and send stock markets soaring by rescinding said tariffs within a week.
- Spread rumors of an “imminent alien invasion,” launch “invisible rockets” into the atmosphere, and claim “total annihilation” of the invading extraterrestrials thanks to leadership of DJT. Do this couple times a month.
- Start wildfires across western states — especially California, Oregon, and other “blue pockets” — aiming path of destruction at key voting centers.
- Release deadly flu and other viruses across the country, with a focus on inner city neighborhoods.
- Have Vladimir Putin initiate a wave of extensive cyber attacks targeting “Jewish-owned news outlets.”
- Get Melania to fake a terrible illness to generate “voter sympathy.” Do this week of Republic convention. Have GOP reps and media surrogates cry for first lady on national TV.
The Trump administration is said to be working closely with Republican members of Congress, especially Senators Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham, to develop a detailed list of “One-Crisis-Per-Day,” bowel-loosening terrors and tragedies as the election season gets going in earnest.
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