Truth In Satire

Trump Repeatedly Googles “Identity Change” Raising Alarms

Mueller wants tighter controls on president’s whereabouts as signs mount he has been experimenting with various disguises

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Could Donald Trump be trying to disguise himself as Donna Trump? (Credit: Saint Hoax at www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0Slu2I2qAA)

ounting evidence that President Donald Trump has been searching the Internet for tips on changing his identity is worrying investigators inside special counsel Robert Mueller’s office.

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By some accounts, Mr. Trump has been altering his appearance to look like British politician Jeremy Corbyn. (Credit: WSBuzz.com)

“President Trump could be trying to slip out of the country undetected,” said one of the lead investigators on Mueller’s team, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “Researching ‘identity change’ is always a tip-off that an investigative target is planning some sort of escape.”

Evidence that Mr. Trump’s online searches have focused on disguises that can help him evade detection have come from electronic surveillance as well as sources inside the White House, possibly even his wife. “We’re getting excellent cooperation from the first lady,” added the Mueller source.

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While Mr. Trump could disguise himself as a clown, that would not be a drastic enough change from his current look. (Credit: imgur.com/gallery/3JULLxV)

“With the intense pressure on Trump right now, we think he might be looking to disappear,” said another member of the special counsel’s team. “We’re watching to see if he changes his physical appearance by altering his signature haircut or wearing makeup. Even a slight change in the orange hue of his skin for instance could buy him enough time to slip under our radar.”

Asked what would happen if President Trump was able to change his appearance convincingly enough to elude his Secret Service detail and leave the country, an FBI source said there would be an immediate international manhunt.

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Dressed as a dictator, Mr. Trump could possibly vanish inside a totalitarian country. (Credit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQp7ma5lhG8)

“While Russia is the most likely place Mr. Trump would flee, we’d petition the Kremlin first for their cooperation in extraditing him,” said a senior FBI official who spoke off the record. “He might also seek refuge in one of his hotels in the middle east, possibly in Dubai. In that case, we’d just set off the hotel sprinkler system to flush him out. He hates getting his hair wet.”

The worst case scenario, according to that same FBI source, would be if Mr. Trump was able to lose a significant amount of weight “and dress in punk or goth clothing, which would be a big departure for him sartorially. In that case, we’d have almost no chance of finding him.”

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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