Truth In Satire

Trump Proposes Building Electrified “Wall Of Death” Around Entire U.S.

“With 250-volt borders, we’ll be able to save a lot of money on chasing and arresting illegals”

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President Trump wants his wall to include all U.S. borders and be crackling with 250 volts of electricity. (Credit: Reuters/L.E. Baskow/Jose Luis Gonzalez/montage by salon.com)

resident Donald Trump now believes that the best way to keep undesirable people out of America is simple — just electrocute them.

In a series of early morning tweets on Thursday, Mr. Trump wrote: “Reworking Mexico wall idea to protect ALL OF AMERICA, not just southern border. Wall of Death will now circle ENTIRE USA and be totally ELECTRIFIED. Anyone tries to enter our great country illegally…ZAP! Dead on arrival!”

The president’s draconian plan, which is getting push back on both sides of the aisle, but less so from the right side, runs the risk of accidentally electrocuting innocent Mexicans, Canadians, unguarded children, sightseers landing on our shores by sea, as well as unrestrained horses, dogs, cattle, cats, birds of prey, migrating Monarch butterflies, Big Horn sheep, grizzly bears, and moose, to name just a few of the potential human and wildlife victims of an electrically-charged perimeter wall.

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(Credit: homesecuritysite.wordpress.com0

Speaking to reporters, President Trump said that the extreme measures were necessary “to convince people that I’m the toughest president in history — stronger than Teddy Roosevelt, meaner than Andrew Jackson, and way more masculine than Mike Dukakis.”

The president went on to say: “My Wall of Death will be greater than the Great Wall of China, the Wailing Wall, and the Berlin Wall put together. Believe me, with 250-volts surging through it, people who even think about crossing it will be fried to ash. That’s a promise.”

The president’s previous plan to build a $25 billion, 2000-mile wall along the southern border with Mexico has received little support and virtually no funding from Congress. A wall that completely encloses the United States, and is wired to kill, would need to cover a distance of 8800 miles and likely cost fives times that much. No one in Congress gives it any chance of coming to a vote, much less receiving sufficient funding.

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President Trump may ask for cauldrons of hot oil to be placed on top of his “Everyone Keep Out” wall. (Credit: http://forgetomori.com)

“Mr. Trump’s latest wall scheme is not only fanciful, it might be the biggest waste of taxpayer money ever suggested by a sitting president,” said Senator Chuck Schumer, the highest-ranking Democrat in Congress. “And he wants to electrify it. Is he kidding me? I can already smell the burning flesh and envision the lawsuits that would pile up after thousands of accidental deaths. Donald Trump would succeed in bankrupting this country faster than he did any of the businesses he’s ever owned.”

In response to Sen. Schumer’s biting criticism, President Trump said he would probably now add “cauldrons of boiling oil and huge cannons” to the top his electrified perimeter wall.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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