Truth In Satire

Trump Prepares To Shove Eldest Son Under Bus To Protect His Presidency

After reports Don Jr. met with Russian lawyer, White House looks for “very big bus” to keep scion from testifying against his father

Accusations of meddling by Russia in the 2016 presidential election, as well as collusion with the Trump campaign, took a startling new twist over the weekend when the New York Times reported that the president’s son, Donald Trump Jr, met with a Kremlin-affiliated lawyer in order to collect damaging information about Hillary Clinton.

“The president is very concerned about the news that Donald Jr. was trying to collect nasty dirt on Ms. Clinton,” said White House Deputy Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who has proven to be the president’s best false fact fabricator of late. “Mr. Trump has already scolded his son, explained to him that trying to get incriminating information about his political opponent from the Russians was cheating, and that there would be no more hunting trips to Africa until the younger Trump apologizes to Ms. Clinton, as well as to Democrats and other sore losers who are still whining about the election results.”

Ms. Huckabee Sanders added that “the president was not aware of and did not attend the meeting,” despite the fact that it was held in Trump Tower, just steps from Mr. Trump’s office. She said this was easy to explain because the president “was busy at the time baking cupcakes with his wife Melania in preparation for his 70th birthday party to be held just a few days later.”

The meeting in question occurred on June 9, 2016, just five days before an elaborate birthday celebration for the president on June 14th.

Despite assurances from the White House that President Trump is innocent in this affair, and that he gave no advanced instructions to his son to dig up unfavorable news that could destroy the Clinton campaign, several Oval Office insiders are telling a different story.

Speaking off the record, they say that the president is terrified that his eldest son, known to have no backbone except when he’s carrying a large caliber elephant gun, will buckle under pressure and spill the beans to the special prosecutor and congressional committees now investigating the depth of the election collusion with the Russians.

They added that at the G20 Summit in Hamburg, Germany this past weekend, “the president spent most of his private time with Vladimir Putin asking how the KGB would ‘silence a political opponent or a pesky relative’ and what kind of lethal food poisons would be undetectable at a family summer picnic.”

Vladimir Putin was an officer in the KGB, the Soviet Union’s main security agency, for 16 years before becoming president of Russia, and it is believed that many of his underhanded political tactics were learned while serving in its ruthless foreign intelligence arm.

Also in attendance at Trump Jr.’s meeting with the Kremlin-connected lawyer were Paul J. Manafort, the president’s campaign manager before he resigned under pressure, and son-in-law and senior White House aide, Jared Kushner. Big buses were being ordered for both those men, too, according to undisclosed sources.

BREAKING NOW: In a tweet early Monday morning, Donald Trump Jr. admits that he did meet with a Kremlin-connected Russian lawyer to get damaging information about Hillary, but that it was Hilary Swank, not Hillary Clinton. No comment yet from the White House.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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