Allan Ishac’s Naked Satire

Trump Overcome With Emotion After Meeting Enormous Pumpkin

Following reunion with giant gourd in Ohio, president says he believes this is Theodore Trumpkin, a distant family relative

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The president met with Theodore Trumpkin (above) in Ohio yesterday, a massive orange gourd he believes is a long-lost cousin. (Credit:

A touching scene ensued outside of Walnut Creek, Ohio over the weekend when President Donald Trump visited a harvest fair and encountered a huge, orange pumpkin.

Within minutes the president was leaning against the gourd’s hard skin, whispering words that were not audible to reporters present. He then began to tear up.

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Carl and Johanna Trumpkin believe they may also be distantly related to the president. Coincidentally, Carl is a hefty 374 lbs., the same weight as Mr. Trump. (Credit:

Asked about his emotional response later, Mr. Trump responded, “That was not just any gourd, that was a Trump. I immediately recognized that handsome, orange face as Theodore Trumpkin, a distant cousin connected through our family roots in Germany… excuse me, I’m getting a little choked up.”

The president said he was not aware that any of his Trumpkin kinfolk were living in America and could not restrain himself when he saw the familiar orange-yellow hue.

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Other pumpkins stepped forward to say they shared DNA with the president. In these photos, the orange scowl on the right is the president’s. CORRECTION: President Trump is on the left! (Credit:

“My grandfather always talked about the Trumpkins, how sturdy and trustworthy they were, real salt of the earth type people. I could see it in Theodore’s bearing instantly, that same unyielding posture and uncompromising nature that grandpa talked about. I’m proud to say I have a bit of that Trumpkin ‘won’t be budged’ attitude myself, which I think is one of the reasons I’m doing such an incredible job for America.”

The White House would not say whether the president invited Theodore Trumpkin back to Washington, but did reiterate that Mr. Trump has a longstanding policy of abstaining from pumpkin pie and pumpkin spice lattes.


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