Truth In Satire

Trump On G7: “Readmit Russia, Dump Italy, Add China, Swap Japan For Norway”

President stirs controversy with remarks on composition of Group of 7 nations hours before members are scheduled to meet

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President Trump made the case for removing Italy from the G7 on Friday because “it’s a failed state, everyone knows that.” (Credit: http://english.ahram.org.eg)

efore departing for the G7 meeting in La Malbaie, Quebec on Friday, President Donald Trump delivered a number of controversial “zingers” to reporters gathered outside the White House.

“Russia should be at this meeting,” said the president before boarding Marine One for Andrews Air Force Base. “And in addition to readmitting my friend Vlad, I’m a strong believer that we should also add China, dump Italy, and immediately replace Japan with Norway.”

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President Trump told his G7 counterparts in Quebec that he wants to make it G9. (Credit: http://english.ahram.org.eg)

Mr. Trump’s comments, which seemed to catch his closest foreign policy advisers off guard, promised to drive an even deeper wedge between America and its closest Western allies.

“President Trump’s half-cocked pronouncements about bringing Russia back to the G7 totally ignores the reason we threw them out in the first place!” said a member of the Canadian delegation to the annual meeting. “Putin forcibly annexed Crimea, alright, and it’s never been resolved. They don’t get to just walk back in now because Donnie said so.”

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Mr. Trump is lobbying heavily to have Russia readmitted to the G7 “because we’ll never get anything done if we keep isolating the dictators I owe money to. (Credit: abcnews.go.com)

Mr. Trump elaborated on the other suggestions that he made for changes in the composition of the G7:

“Along with Russia, we really need to get China in here, too. They deserve it. They’ve been very nice to me. And it’s time to get rid of Italy. What do they add? Pasta? Forget it, no one eats pasta anymore. And Japan is getting annoying. Norway is a better choice because they’re very successful over there, very wealthy and Aryan.”

Upon hearing Mr. Trump’s remarks, President Emmanuel Macron of France appeared frustrated, telling reporters, “Next week he’ll play a round of golf with Kim Jong-Un, announce that he’s a great guy, and tell us North Korea should be admitted to the G7, too. Honestly, I wouldn’t be all that surprised.”

Mr. Macron was then abruptly called away to deal with another proposal by Mr. Trump that would offer Syria an invitation to join the elite group of G7 nations “because they haven’t had much good news lately, am I right? Syria could use a delicious meal and a few days at a nice retreat like this one.”

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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