Truth In Satire

Trump Now Admits He Has Had Contact With Known Russian Spy Since Childhood

President met with Kremlin agent Boris Badenov, called world’s greatest no-goodnik, almost daily after school in Queens, NY

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Russian operative Boris Badenov, a friend of Mr. Trump’s, is an expert in bomb making.

Speculation that Donald Trump might have had a relationship with a top Russian intelligence agent for decades has now been confirmed by an unlikely source — the president himself.

During an interview on , the president, speaking candidly, admitted that he had contact with the notorious Boris Badenov from 4:00–4:30 almost every weekday afternoon growing up, as well as for a half hour most Saturday mornings while eating his cereal. The president added that Badenov often appeared with his accomplice and fellow Russian operative, Natasha Fatale.

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Police artist Jeff Stahler was able to sketch this image of Russian spies, Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale, leaving a back door at Trump Tower recently.

Badenov is well-known to American intelligence agencies. During his long clandestine career he tried to steal advanced military rocket fuel, eliminate all television from the United States, and hire himself out as a professional executioner.

They added that his physical appearance is almost a caricature of a Russian spy, with a sinister pencil mustache, an evil sneer, and an all-black wardrobe.

While the president would not say whether he has ever shared classified information or U.S. secrets with Badenov, it is believed that he learned many of his sneaky tactics and ability to obscure the truth (i.e. lie) from the foreign spy.

Career intelligence officials say that the Badenov revelations are worrisome because it may leave the president vulnerable to Russian blackmail. And in an unusual move, the F.B.I. announced that it will assign two freelance investigators to the case, Rocky, a flying squirrel, and Bullwinkle, a tenacious moose, who have had success thwarting Badenov’s misdeeds in the past.

Confronted with concerns from the American intelligence community, President Trump offered an unapologetic defense of his affection for Badenov: “I don’t see what the big deal is. Boris is a good man, a very good man, and we had a lot of laughs together,” said the president wistfully. “In any case, there is definitely NO COLLUSION!”

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