Trump Invites Frederick Douglass, Gandhi, And Mother Theresa To The White House

“I notice these three activists are being recognized more and more for their good works, and I want to personally shake their hands”

At a White House listening session on Wednesday to kick-off Black History Month, President Donald J. Trump inexplicably referred to Frederick Douglass, the famous abolitionist who died in 1895, in the present tense.

He then praised the current work of “that master faster, Moe Gandhi, and the shriveled nun, Mother Theresa” — neither of whom are black nor American.

These two icons of American black history were invited to the White House by President Trump, along with the abolitionist leader Frederick Douglass.

The president went on to say that he hoped to bring the three together at The White House “to tell them how much I love everything they’re doing, and assure them that my administration is here to help them in any way we can.”

White House Chief-of-Staff, Reince Priebus, who was attending the event, seemed to recognize the gaff immediately and signaled for Mr. Trump to limit his comments. The president interpreted Priebus’ frantic hand waving as encouragement and doubled down.

When President Trump learned after the event that Frederick Douglass is already dead, he kneed Steve Bannon in the nuts for not telling him beforehand.

“Since we’re here today for Black History Month, I would also like to recognize the great baseball hero, Jackie Robinson, who is doing amazing work right now teaching America’s pastime to kids in the inner city, as well as my good friend, Muhammad Ali, who is back in the ring again next month to defend his heavyweight title.”

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer then cued the president to wrap it up, at which point Mr. Trump reluctantly obliged.

“In conclusion, I just want to say that during the campaign my African American, Ben Carson, took me to some places I wasn’t so familiar with — and, frankly, wouldn’t go to alone — and let me just say, you blacks can really sing and dance. Oh, that reminds me, Sean, let’s get Sammy Davis Jr. and Satchmo Armstrong down here when Fred, Moe, and Mother visit. Okay people, I think we’re done here, off to lunch with Bannon in the whites-only — I mean White House — dining room. Please don’t touch the new curtains on your way out.”

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