Truth In Satire

Trump Hires Russian, Chinese Generals To Consult On Military Parade, Saying “I Want The Pros Involved”

“My top brass knows nothing about rolling out the big killing machines — I want some real dictator-types running the show”

President Bone Spurs saluting at a military parade in France last year, while the First Lady chokes back laughter. (Credit: cnbc.com)

After getting a tepid response from Pentagon officials regarding his demands for a “grand military parade,” President Donald Trump has authorized the hiring of Russian, Chinese, and North Korean generals to consult on his pet project.

“I want tanks, missile launchers, Apache helicopters, the whole shebang marching down Pennsylvania Avenue,” said the president on Thursday. “I can’t trust novices with something like this — I want experienced despots who know how to roll out a giant convoy of killing machines.”

The president has told aides he wants to be at the front of the military procession “dressed like a general and riding a horsey.” (Credit: theatlantic.com)

Sources close to Defense Secretary Jim Mattis say there is little enthusiasm for a peacetime show of force among high-ranking military officials, who believe that the president’s parade directive “has more to do with making him feel like a tough guy than it does with honoring our troops. In fact, if…