After getting a tepid response from Pentagon officials regarding his demands for a “grand military parade,” President Donald Trump has authorized the hiring of Russian, Chinese, and North Korean generals to consult on his pet project.
“I want tanks, missile launchers, Apache helicopters, the whole shebang marching down Pennsylvania Avenue,” said the president on Thursday. “I can’t trust novices with something like this — I want experienced despots who know how to roll out a giant convoy of killing machines.”
Sources close to Defense Secretary Jim Mattis say there is little enthusiasm for a peacetime show of force among high-ranking military officials, who believe that the president’s parade directive “has more to do with making him feel like a tough guy than it does with honoring our troops. In fact, if there is pushback from American citizens, and massive street protests, as we expect, this is going to backfire on Trump and his inflated ego big time, and we don’t want to take the fall out.”
It is not known exactly when Mr. Trump wants to carry out his “great parade to show our military strength,” but one top Army general, who spoke on condition of anonymity, says the president has been pressing for it to be held on Flag Day, June 14th, which is also his birthday.
“He keeps telling us that he should be the Grand Marshall, dressed up in a 5-Star general’s uniform and marching at the head of the procession riding a black stallion draped in the American flag,” said the general. “We can barely restrain our laughter when he talks about it, but the guy’s dead serious.”
Some at the Pentagon are hoping that they can delay the scheduling of Mr. Trump’s military parade until the fall of 2018 when most are confident that the president will have already been removed from office.
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