Trump Gives Everything “Golden” A Kinky New Meaning

You’ll never think about a golden handshake the same way again

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The next time you accept a golden handshake wear gloves or carry Purell.

Unsubstantiated reports that President-Elect Donald Trump was treated to a golden shower by prostitutes in a Moscow Ritz-Carlton hotel room in 2013 has lit up social media…and the imagination.

The kinky revelations also offer a golden moment to redefine some commonly-used expressions that were beginning to yellow a bit anyway:

golden age: The age at which a man or woman can participate in urolagnia without fear of arrest.

golden boy: A male between the ages of 12–18 who has very good aim when peeing on another individual, a skill often referred to as targeted urolagnia.

golden calf: A form of urolagnia where the golden shower is received from a young female or male cow, often preferred because their urine is vegan.

golden delicious: The delicious urine of a vegan, golden calf.

goldendoodle: Getting peed on by a dog that is a cross between a golden retriever and a poodle.

Golden Gate: When two people aim their urine streams at each other and a third person walks through the combined showers, “bridging” the blended piddle streams.

golden goose: A goose with very thick down said to be optimal for soaking up puddles created after a romantic evening of golden showers. Also, a quick pinch of the ass intended to excite participants in urolangia.

golden-haired: Someone who receives urolangia on the scalp and hair follicles.

golden handcuffs: A pair of handcuffs applied to the wrists of people experiencing golden showers so they won’t slap the urine streams away in sudden disgust.

golden handshake: A gesture of respect offered by the pee-ee to the pee-er after a satisfying session of golden showering. Always proffer the right hand.

golden hour: The maximum amount of time considered safe to stand under a urine stream.

golden jubilee: When a hundred or more people receive a golden shower at the same time.

golden oldies: A great playlist of songs ideal for evenings of urolangia. Also, any senior citizen who enjoys urolangia, albeit with weaker streams.

golden opportunity: An invitation, usually sent via traditional mail, inviting guests to attend a urolangia party.

golden parachute: A square of cloth, commonly made of silk, draped over the head of a person who does not want a urine stream to mess with their hair (Mr. Trump uses the golden parachute).

golden raisin: A small, dried, yellow grape inserted into the rectum of the pee-er to stimulate and strengthen the urine stream. Also, any senior citizen who enjoys urolangia.

golden retriever: A species of Amazonian fish trained to suck up after-pee from urolangia parties. See related, golden goose.

golden rod: A man with such a prodigious urine stream he is said to possess a “golden rod.” These champion urolangists are in great demand at pee parties.

golden rule: The first rule of a good golden shower — aim high.

goldenseal: A firm slap delivered to the bare ass of the pee-er by the pee-ee after a successul golden shower session. The slap often leaves a five fingered red mark on the naked flesh, referred to as a “goldenseal.”

Golden State: California, considered the world capital of golden showers.

****

Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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