Truth In Satire

Trump Expels “Three Big Troublemakers” Along With 60 Russians In Sweeping Purge

President adds Jeff Sessions, Stormy Daniels, and “that skinhead lesbian from Florida” to list of people he wants thrown out of U.S.

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The president may add Jared Kushner to his growing list of “extra” expellees. (Credit:

resident Donald Trump acted to expel 60 Russian diplomats from the United States on Monday, in solidarity with the U.K. and other western allies after the poisoning of a former Russian spy on British soil.

But in a surprise move, the president also added Attorney General Jeff Sessions, the porn star Stormy Daniels, and Emma Gonzalez, a survivor of the Parkland school shooting who has become an articulate voice against gun violence, to the list of those he wants removed.

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Emma Gonzalez, a student activist in the gun control debate, was ordered expelled from the U.S. by President Trump on Monday. (Credit:

According to sources inside the White House, the president told his top aides on Monday morning, “Everyone is on me to get rid of these Russians to make the Brits happy. Okay, but then I’m going to add a few troublemakers of my own to the list. Like I want Mr. Magoo to go. And that snitch, Stormy Daniels. Also the annoying skinhead lesbian from Florida, put her on the same plane with the Russians. I’ll probably throw in Jared, too, but I have to break the news to Ivanka first.”

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Donald Trump claims he has never met the cleavage that calls itself “Stormy Daniels.” (Credit: Dan MacMedan, USA TODAY))

Jeff Sessions, who the president disparagingly calls “Mr. Magoo,” has been a thorn in President Trump’s side since early in his administration when the AG correctly recused himself from the Russia probe.

Stormy Daniels appeared on “60 Minutes” Sunday night in a primetime excoriation of the president that is keeping the spotlight on the illicit affair and causing extreme tension between him and wife Melania.

And young Emma Gonzalez has proven to be better informed and far more eloquent on the issue of gun control than Mr. Trump himself, which insiders say has irked the president.

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Mr. Magoo, aka Jeff Sessions, has fallen out of favor with the president. (Credit:

Asked by reporters if it is legal for President Trump to eject Sessions, Daniels, and Gonzalez when they appear to have done nothing wrong, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “The president can expel whomever he wants, whenever he wants, if he deems that person or persons to be a threat to national security. Obviously, the three people you mentioned present a real risk to America, as Sean Hannity made perfectly clear on his Fox TV show last night. I would suggest that you refer to that segment before jumping to any conclusions. Next …”


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