Truth In Satire

Trump Staffer Says Melania Has Been Directing Transition Team Since Day One

“Bannon, Rudy, KellyAnne, we all get our marching orders from Mrs. Trump — the woman’s part ball-buster, pure political savant”

“We are all scared shitless of Melania. Cross her and you’ll end up in New Jersey fetching Oreos for Chris Christie.”
“You see a lot of photos where Donald is doing that ridiculous thumbs up thing and she’s pressed sideways against him. In every one, her other hand is clamped to his ass, working him like a hand puppet.”
“That’s the death stare, right there. If she looks at you like this up in Trump Tower, you know the smart move is to just open a penthouse window and leap to Fifth Avenue.”
“On the campaign trail, Melania was watching Donald’s every move. After the Access Hollywood stuff came out, she rigged an electrical stimulation device to his nuts. The second he’d go off message, she’d zap him. That’s why he won, basically.”
“You can’t look her directly in the eye,” says Mr. X. “ She has this weird power — one glance and, bang, you’re in Dullsville, ID, working for some two-bit congressional hopeful.

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