Truth In Satire

Trump Children Freak Out When Told They Have To Spend More Time With Base

In leaked videotape, Donald Jr. vows that now that election is over, “I will never shake another sweaty, pig farmer’s hand again”

Seen here in the Trump executive suite, Ivanka tells her father, “If you ever make us go to those awful states with farms or factories again, we’re flying to Monaco and never coming back.”

In a closed-circuit videotape recorded inside Trump Tower, Donald Trump’s three eldest children are seen mocking and maligning the uneducated, rural Republican voters who vigorously supported their father’s presidential candidacy.

Eric Trump feigns interest as a North Dakota wheat farmer shows him photos of his new John Deere threshing machine.

Secretly released to The New York Times on today, the ten-minute videotape of the Trump scions show them harshly condemning “those dumb ass hicks who actually think Dad gives a shit about them” and swearing that they’ll “never be caught at another Iowa pancake breakfast again.”

In one segment, Ivanka is heard telling her brothers, “now that the election is over, Jared and I are never traveling any farther west than the Hudson — unless it’s to L.A. or Aspen.”