Truth In Satire

Trump’s Childhood Friend Says, “Donnie Never Could Keep A F**king Secret”

“If you’ve got classified sh*t, you don’t go sharing it with Donnie Blabbermouth,” claims Rick Larson, a former pal of the president

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Rick Larson reflects on his childhood friendship with Donald Trump, who he calls a “rat fink.” (Credit: Huffingtonpost.com)

Rick Larson, a master plumber in Queens, NY, who grew up with Donald Trump, isn’t surprised that the president revealed highly-classified information to the Russians.

“We called him Donnie Blabbermouth because whatever you told that motherf**cker, he’d go blabbing it around the whole neighborhood,” said Mr. Larson, sipping a beer in his backyard, just a half mile from the Tudor-style home where President Trump grew up.

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Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov and Ambassador to the U.S. Sergey Kislyak seen here laughing hysterically with one another as a clueless President Trump looks on. (Credit: AP News)

“As soon as I heard that someone had tipped off the Russians to an ISIS terror threat using classified spy info, I knew it had to be Donnie,” added Mr. Larson. “Traitor Trump — that’s another name we had for him — he just never could keep a secret.”

The Washington Post reported on Monday night that the president gave Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov and Ambassador to the U.S. Sergey Kislyak information at a May 10th meeting in the White House that has likely compromised an important foreign intelligence source.

Mr. Trump’s disclosures, while probably not illegal since the president has the authority to declassify any information he wants, are being called “dangerous and stupid as shit” by several top-ranking CIA and NSA officials.

“Our information partners in the Middle East are royally pissed off because they didn’t give approval for this indiscreet mouth diarrhea by the president,” said a CIA operative, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “Whether Trump yapped to the Russians on a whim, to act like a big man, or to offset rumors about his tiny pecker really doesn’t matter — critical allies in the war on ISIS have probably been lost to us now. I mean, what the hell, I thought the president was on our side?”

Mr. Larson, the president’s boyhood friend, shared a final observation: “Look, you got your normal people and then you got your psychopaths like Donnie Trump. I know the guy a long time, alright — best way to get this country stabbed in the back is to share some vital American secrets with that first class Judas. Donnie will find a way to ram a ‘bluster bomb’ up the nation’s butthole and blow the whole thing to sh*t, I can promise you that.”

****

Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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