Truth In Satire

Trump Calls Syria Bombing, “More Fun Than Shooting My Water Blaster As A Kid”

President adds in callow tweet: “Live stream of missile attack most awesome fireworks display I’ve ever seen — WOW!”

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Saying that the firing of 59 Tomahawk cruise missiles at Syrian targets on Thursday night was “way better than blasting Ricky Larson with my Super Soaker in the 6th grade,” President Trump seemed to downplay the seriousness of deploying American military force against a Russian ally.

“We watched some of the bomb strikes after dinner here in Mar-A-Lago,” the president told reporters during a brief press update, “and when our missiles zeroed in on those Syrian ammunition bunkers, ka-bang! — it was like the most awesome fireworks display I’ve ever seen. I could not get over the blast radius!”

Pentagon officials were concerned that the president was trivializing the deployment of deadly missiles against Syria saying, off the record, that his remarks could be perceived by enemies and allies alike as crude and insensitive.

Unease among his generals did not seem to deter the president, who posted another cavalier tweet early Friday morning: “Gave order to knock out Syrian airfield last night. Trust me, better than Warhammer or Call of Duty, and I’ve played ALL versions!”

While President Assad’s government did not issue a statement after the bombing attacks on the Al Shayrat airfield, an official Russian spokesperson did say that the strikes “would deal a significant blow to relations between Russia and America.”

President Trump responded by saying that the missile strikes “were just the kind of smackdown Assad had coming to him for using chemical weapons against those beautiful babies — Russia be damned.”

He then added, “The United States will not stand by any longer and do nothing when we have this huge arsenal of weapons at our disposal — it would be a terrible waste of American tax dollars if we did not put our massive military to good use against despots like Assad.”

The president ended the press conference by saying that he meant nothing against his old friend Ricky Larson and would give him a call to patch things up.


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