Truth In Satire

Trump Calls Risky War Of Words With North Korean Leader “Great For Ratings”

Tells aides privately, “Battle of the Madmen is biggest hit on TV right now”

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Kim Jong-Un, speaking from in front of his wall of green books, repeatedly called Mr. Trump “a non-reader.” (Credit: thestar.com)

President Trump is said to be ignoring the perilous risks of publicly mocking Kim Jong-Un because he is thrilled with the attention his war of words is getting.

According to one anonymous source inside the White House, the president told aides privately “Commander Kimchi has to be happy about it, too. I mean, look, I’m making the guy famous — he was nobody before this and now his recognizability and viewer numbers are off the charts.”

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President Trump appears ready to raise the stakes to perilous levels in his verbal sparring with Kim Jong-Un. (Credit: koreatimes.co.kr)

Cautionary warnings from more rational voices inside the White House, including many of the president’s military advisors, has not served to mute the incendiary verbal attacks ricocheting between Washington and Pyongyang, North Korea’s capital.

In fact, President Trump said he hoped to accelerate the pace of name-calling in the days ahead, challenging the young dictator to an unbridled “Battle of the Madmen” — a sensationalistic title the president coined that he claims “will attract TV audiences by the millions and keep everyone’s minds off Russia, too.”

Friday morning, the president made good on his promise to escalate his war of inflammatory words tweeting, “Let’s go Rocket Man — you think you’re more deranged than I am, let’s throw it down!”

Kim Jong-Un immediately retaliated with a searing public rebuke of the American president saying, “The insane U.S. dotard is a frightened dog playing with fire.”

Mr. Trump scorched back within minutes posting, “Kim Jong-Schlong is asking for a cruise missile right in the Pyongyang. Terrible haircut, too. Whole world is laughing!”

The president’s warning of a direct missile strike on North Korea’s capital city would result in certain death for hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians. That grave threat prompted the 33-year old dictator to say: “Now that Trump has insulted me and my country in front of the eyes of the world and made the most ferocious declaration of a war in history … we will consider with seriousness exercising of a corresponding, highest level of hard-line countermeasure in history.”

Trump was apparently bemused by this taunt, tweeting back, “English grammar from Dog Eating Doughboy IS WURST IN HISTORY! Go back to school, stupid monkey!”

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The American president said of his UN address, “I got a bigger TV audience than for all of Obama’s speeches combined.” There was no evidence to support this claim. (Credit: viralinusa.com)

Many of his advisers feel President Trump is employing a dangerous strategy with his constant ridicule of the supreme leader. In the Korean culture, Trump’s promise to “totally destroy” the Asian nation if it continues its recurrent missile tests, a threat he leveled in his U.N. General Assembly speech on Tuesday, must be met with a firm response in order to save face.

Military and foreign policy experts now believe that the heated bombast between the volatile national leaders, who are both in control of devastating nuclear arsenals, could spark an unintended conflict that quickly escalates into an all-out global war.

“If these two infantile, schoolyard bullies don’t dial it way down in a hurry, we’ll all be bundling up for a very long nuclear winter,” said one Pentagon official, who asked not to be identified.

But no lessening of tensions seemed imminent on Friday evening as a barrage of Twitter posts and a new round of taunts were issued.

President Trump tweeted, “If Buddy Biscuithead has the guts to start World War III, then bring it on — U.S. ready with WAY MORE devastating firepower!”

But Kim Jong-Un, who most world leaders agree is mentally ill, proved to be the saner of the two men in the evening exchange, replying, “I’m a longtime homicidal maniac and even I can’t wrap my head around the global annihilation thing. If the orange rabid dog is so batshit crazy he’s willing to destroy the world for TV ratings, then, sorry, I’m out.”

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is no more.

I read every comment. And I try to answer.

Thank you.

–AI

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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