Truth In Satire
Trump Calls Market Crash “A Plot By The Nasty FBI To Destroy My Great Economy”
Businessman president says that the market will go back up “if these same treasonous FBI agents require people to buy shares again”
Calling the stock market crash “a plot by the FBI to destroy the 401K plans of hardworking Americans while making me look bad,” Donald Trump demanded that everyone “start buying up stocks again and buy them big.”
He also called “un-American” all those Wall St. investors who pulled out of the market when it started going down, thus sending stock prices plunging by almost 10% in the past week.
“I understand the stock market like nobody does and, I’m telling you, when the FBI started spooking people into selling shares, the market went down. That’s how it works. Not a lot of people know that. So the key to keeping this bull market going is getting the FBI to declare a state of economic emergency and insist that the big Wall Street players get back on a buying spree. If they don’t, I’ll call it treason.”
