Truth In Satire

Trump Calls Himself “Killer Negotiator” After N. Korea Executes Five Envoys

President says report of executions proves “I’ll make deals to the death for America”

Donald Trump called news of the execution of North Korea’s summit envoys, “clear evidence of my amazing negotiating skills — I totally killed them.”

Kim Jong Un reportedly executed up to five senior diplomats for their failure to strike a deal at the February summit between the US and North Korea.

After hearing of the harsh punishments, Trump tweeted on Friday that “If you want to play with the big boys, you can’t lose your head. In this case, all five of them lost theirs.”

The ominous news of the North Korean envoy executions spread rapidly to Beijing, where Chinese diplomats who failed to make a trade deal with Trump last month are said to be fleeing to Switzerland.

After Trump announced tariffs on Mexico on Friday, several Mexican trade negotiators said they would be joining their Chinese counterparts in Zurich, along with what’s left of the North Korean contingent.

In a related story, negotiating with Donald Trump is now being called “the world’s third most dangerous job,” after logging workers and commercial fishermen.


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