Truth In Satire

Trump Attacks Amazon For Late Delivery Of His Favorite Bronzing Spray

In sustained Twitter assault, president accuses company founder Jeff Bezos of “trying to make me look pale in eyes of the world”

Image for post
Image for post
The president is furious that he’s down to his last application of his preferred St. Tropez bronzing mousse. (Credit: tapatalk.com)

resident Donald Trump went after giant online retailer Amazon.com on Thursday for failing to delivery his favorite self-tanning spray on time.

In an unabated Twitter attack, the president wrote: “Amazon promised my St. Tropez Self Tan Bronzing Mousse would arrive WEDNESDAY. Waited till 7:00pm…NO BRONZER. They lied!”

Image for post
Image for post
Mr. Trump is accusing Amazon founder Jeff Bezos of withholding his favorite self-tanning spray. (Credit: businessinsider.com)

Mr. Trump went on to tweet, “Amazon’s bald JEFF BEZOS, who also owns FAILING Washington Post, is trying to make me look pale in eyes of the world. WRONG! I am healthiest, tannest president in history. Bezos is a loser and AMAZON IS A BAD COMPANY!”

The president’s attack on the world’s largest online retailer sent the company’s stock plunging over a two day period, down more than 10%, dragging the entire tech sector along with it.

“The president doesn’t seem to realize that his tantrum about Amazon’s delayed delivery could send the U.S. stock market into a free fall and impact the world economy,” said Art Cashin, Director of Floor Operations at UBS and a veteran Wall Street trader. “He needs to temper his words and relax about his tanning spray or a lot of people could suffer.”

Image for post
Image for post
Despite his belief that his bronzer makes him look good, most people compare Mr. Trump’s complexion to ripe Florida citrus. (Credit: change.org)

In support of President Trump’s implacable attack on Amazon, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders had this to say on Thursday afternoon:

“The president likes his St. Tropez lightweight mousse because it gives him an almost instant bronzey-orange glow that dries in 60 seconds and lasts up to ten days. Plus it has a mood boosting fragrance. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the president to expect his bronzer to be delivered to him on time, especially when Amazon guarantees it.”

There was no comment from Amazon or St. Tropez, although the country’s largest manufacturer of self-tanning products did say that the president’s unusual orange hue “is not typical of our premium line of bronzing sprays.”

****

Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

Written by

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store