Trump Announces 10 More Things He Will Do… “If I Win”

“I will make orange the official color of Caucasians.”

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Also at the top of Trump’s list — divorce Melania, upgrade to 2017 cyborg series.

Donald Trump says that he will accept the November 8th Presidential Election results “if I win.” He are 10 more things he says he’ll do if he’s victorious:

  1. Use Air Force One as a “pussy trap.” Remove all video cameras and recording devices.
  2. Place Ivanka, Don Jr. and Eric on the Supreme Court. Find Tiffany a spot on judges panel for Dancing With The Stars.
  3. Bomb the shit out of that guy in Scotland who wouldn’t sell me his land for the Aberdeen golf course.
  4. Make foreign leaders kiss the Presidential Ring (Note to self: Commission Van Cleef & Arpels to design Presidential Ring).
  5. Cover the White House in shiny gold leaf, charge $150,000 for a one-night stay in the Lincoln bedroom.
  6. Establish income tax amnesty program on first day of presidency. Pardon myself. Revoke program on second day of presidency.
  7. Institute “jus primae noctis” rights, allowing me to sleep with any woman in America on her wedding night.
  8. Use Guantanamo to lock up Bill and Hillary. Chelsea, too, if she gets out of line (such nasty people).
  9. Force Congress to pass $10 million spending bill for Barron’s future psychiatric services (that overindulged little brat is going to need it).
  10. Bring in KGB buddies to replace Secret Service. Pay them in depressed rubles.

BONUS MUST DO: Push that button at least once while I’m president!

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