Trump Announces 10 More Things He Will Do… “If I Win”

“I will make orange the official color of Caucasians.”

Image for post
Image for post
Also at the top of Trump’s list — divorce Melania, upgrade to 2017 cyborg series.
  1. Place Ivanka, Don Jr. and Eric on the Supreme Court. Find Tiffany a spot on judges panel for Dancing With The Stars.
  2. Bomb the shit out of that guy in Scotland who wouldn’t sell me his land for the Aberdeen golf course.
  3. Make foreign leaders kiss the Presidential Ring (Note to self: Commission Van Cleef & Arpels to design Presidential Ring).
  4. Cover the White House in shiny gold leaf, charge $150,000 for a one-night stay in the Lincoln bedroom.
  5. Establish income tax amnesty program on first day of presidency. Pardon myself. Revoke program on second day of presidency.
  6. Institute “jus primae noctis” rights, allowing me to sleep with any woman in America on her wedding night.
  7. Use Guantanamo to lock up Bill and Hillary. Chelsea, too, if she gets out of line (such nasty people).
  8. Force Congress to pass $10 million spending bill for Barron’s future psychiatric services (that overindulged little brat is going to need it).
  9. Bring in KGB buddies to replace Secret Service. Pay them in depressed rubles.

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store