Trump Announces 10 More Things He Will Do… “If I Win”
Donald Trump says that he will accept the November 8th Presidential Election results “if I win.” He are 10 more things he says he’ll do if he’s victorious:
- Use Air Force One as a “pussy trap.” Remove all video cameras and recording devices.
- Place Ivanka, Don Jr. and Eric on the Supreme Court. Find Tiffany a spot on judges panel for Dancing With The Stars.
- Bomb the shit out of that guy in Scotland who wouldn’t sell me his land for the Aberdeen golf course.
- Make foreign leaders kiss the Presidential Ring (Note to self: Commission Van Cleef & Arpels to design Presidential Ring).
- Cover the White House in shiny gold leaf, charge $150,000 for a one-night stay in the Lincoln bedroom.
- Establish income tax amnesty program on first day of presidency. Pardon myself. Revoke program on second day of presidency.
- Institute “jus primae noctis” rights, allowing me to sleep with any woman in America on her wedding night.
- Use Guantanamo to lock up Bill and Hillary. Chelsea, too, if she gets out of line (such nasty people).
- Force Congress to pass $10 million spending bill for Barron’s future psychiatric services (that overindulged little brat is going to need it).
- Bring in KGB buddies to replace Secret Service. Pay them in depressed rubles.
BONUS MUST DO: Push that button at least once while I’m president!