Truth In Satire

Trump Angered After Iran Places “Ridiculously Low Price On My Head”

“Only eighty million dollars? Those bastards—my hair alone is worth $150 million,” president tweets

Donald Trump responded with indignation after Iran placed an $80 million bounty on his head following the assassination of General Qasem Soleimani last week.

Apparently the president felt the price was too low.

“Eighty million is an insult,” tweeted the president on Sunday night. “Those towel heads clearly don’t know what a great American head is worth. My hair alone is worth $150 million.”

During the televised funereal for the general, the official Iranian broadcast agency said the $80 million, representing one US dollar for every Iranian citizen, would be paid in cash to Trump’s killer. The state news agency also said it would throw in an Apple iPhone, a popular mobile device in the country.

There are rumors that the bounty would be increased to $160 million, or double the original amount, if anyone could prove that Senator Lindsey Graham is “a man’s man.”

Follow this space for updates.


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