Truth In Satire

Told Of Imminent Trump Impeachment, Top Clinton Campaign Aide Emerges From Coma She Fell Into On Election Night

Incredibly, Maggie Brennan then slips into clinical state of hysterical laughter and returns to trauma unit

A shocked Maggie Brennan on November 8, 2016, as the news of Hillary Clinton’s loss began to unfold. (Credit: The Christian Post)

Maggie Brennan, one of Hillary Clinton’s top aides during the 2016 presidential campaign, fell into a coma the night of the election, her nervous system overwhelmed by the devastating news of Donald Trump’s unlikely victory.

Ms. Brennan vomiting behind her purse as she absorbed the news of the Clinton defeat. (Caption: Hindustan Times)

For the past nine months, doctors at New York-Presbyterian Hospital have kept Ms. Brennan stable and comfortable but have been unable to bring her out of her persistent vegetative state.

Then, last week, Ms. Brennan’s 56-year-old mother, Dorothy, was at her bedside as revelations regarding Donald Trump Jr.’s treacherous and possibly illegal visit with Russian agents hit the airwaves. Speculation began immediately that this latest news is certain to topple the Trump presidency.

Dorothy, an avid Clinton supporter like her daughter, told reporters later that she leaned over and whispered into Maggie’s lifeless ear, “Honey, I think this is it, The Great White Dope and his band of bungling bozos are going down. All your hard work for Hillary wasn’t for nothing after all.”

Here Ms. Brennan is starting to lose consciousness, falling into the arms of a campaign colleague. (Credit: ITV.com)

According to doctors and nurses who are still in disbelief over what happened next, Maggie Brennan almost instantly regained full consciousness, let out a holler heard throughout the hospital, hopped from her bed, and began dancing with members of her medical team who were present in the room, singing, “Ding Dong, The Donald’s done, screwed by his son, he hasn’t won …Ding Dong, The Wicked Wimp is done…”

Ms. Brennan then started jumping on her hospital bed, laughing hysterically, overcome with jubilation. Her mother later said she had never seen her daughter so relieved and happy, and decided to join the 30-year-old as the two turned the bed into a “trampoline of triumph,” in Dorothy’s words.

But euphoria quickly changed to the unthinkable, as Maggie began laughing so forcefully at the prospect of Donald Trump’s presidency ending after a historically short eight months, that her breathing became visibly labored. Doctors tried desperately to stabilize her respiration as her mother stepped off the bed and looked on.

Within minutes, the young Clinton aide had slipped back into a comatose state, but this time from a rare condition that her primary hospital care physician termed, “a jolt of joy.”

It is not known what, if anything, might ease the young woman back to an awakened, attentive, and stable mental and emotional state, but her friends and family are feeding her small sound bites of daily news about the unraveling of the Trump presidency in the hopes this might facilitate a gentler return to reality.

Asked to comment, Hillary Clinton said, “I was thrilled to hear that Maggie emerged from her coma, and terribly distressed to learn that exultation over the imminent demise of my opponent landed her back in trauma care. We can only hope that as sanity returns to the world, the same will happen for Maggie.”

After Maggie Brennan’s astonishing recovery/relapse incident in New York, doctors in Los Angeles are now counseling the parents of Walter Graham — a passionate west coast Clinton aide, who also slipped into a coma on election night — not to share the news too abruptly with their son that Donald Trump’s removal from office is fast approaching.

Walter Graham is currently being monitored in the trauma care unit at the UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles. His election night melt down is captured in the sequence of photos below.

“Yes, yes, we are so going to win this fucking election tonight! Go HIllary!” (Credit: thesun.co.uk)

“Okay, is that correct up there? We lost Ohio? How can that be right?” (Credit: The Daily Mail)

“Pennsylvania to Trump, are you fucking kidding me? I might puke.” (Credit: NBC News)

“Oh, god, oh god, oh god…this isn’t happening. I think I’m going to go into a coma!” (Credit: Daily Mail)

Medical Warning: If you are a Clinton supporter, or know one, doctors are suggesting that you digest the news of Donald Trump’s demise slowly, in order to avoid experiencing a “jolt of joy” that could destabilize your emotional equilibrium. After many months of feeling dispirited and despondent while in the throes of the “Trump Doldrums,” it’s best to absorb the collapse of Donald Trump’s presidency in moderation. Dancing in the streets, however, is considered therapeutic and is recommended.

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