Truth In Satire

The Terrifying Significance Of Donald Trump’s Ubiquitous Black Overcoat

Be afraid, very afraid of the president’s most demonic garment

You are not seeing things — Mr. Trump’s black overcoat is capable of spine-chilling feats, like auto-aerial navigation.

Wherever he goes, it’s there — hiding his pasty paunch, concealing his narrow shoulders, underlining his massive ego — The Black Overcoat.

Think about this: have you ever truly liked a man wearing a black overcoat?

Throughout history, this seemingly innocuous garment has been draped over some of the most evil men ever to walk the earth — Genghis Khan, Dracula, Saddam Hussein, Boris Badenov from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.

And now Donald Trump has made it his signature cold weather covering, too.

Here are just some of the reasons you should be afraid, very afraid, of the president’s ever present black overcoat:

1. Titans of business wear The Black Overcoat. In Greek mythology, Titans were the children of the god, Uranus. Therefore, by extension, Donald Trump has ties to Uranus. Do you really feel comfortable with a president who is linked to Uranus?

2. It is rumored that Donald Trump’s black overcoat is sewn from the scalps of raven-haired women who he formerly grabbed, then beheaded. In effect, his overcoat is haunted by the spirits of his female victims. Why do you think the coat can fly around of its accord? It’s the power of restless spirits trapped inside the weave.

3. The Black Overcoat is the precursor to the Invisibility Cloak. If Donald Trump’s black overcoat had invisibility attributes, then he could sneak into your bedroom at night, spoon you for like 3 hours, then sneak off…and the only evidence you would have that he was there would be orange streaks on your pillow. Think about that.

Saddam Hussein was fond of wearing his black overcoat while shooting skeet…but with his own gruesome twist — using the decapitated heads of his enemies lobbed from a catapult.

4. Throughout history, The Black Overcoat has been associated with the most diabolical characters the world has ever known. Genghis Khan wore a black yak overcoat. Count Dracula popularized the cape cut. Saddam Hussein wore…