Truth In Satire

Trump Approves “Nine Coolest Killing Machines” On Military’s Wish List

President gives go ahead for “some seriously bad-ass, futuristic weapons” that has the Pentagon’s eyes popping

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The new Zorg ZF-1 is six brutal weapons in one, including a unique “Ice Cube System” that sprays liquid nitrogen at the enemy and can turn an entire platoon into useless snow cones in seconds.
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“I want the military to have as much money as it needs to keep bad hombres out of my country.”
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Dubbed the Jeedah Light Sword, this deadly laser weapon is most effective in the hands of highly-trained, Force-sensitive military operatives.
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Photo provided by Stark Industries.
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Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg, developer of the Zorg ZF-1, in his testing lab.
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The Point of View gun, a deep thought disrupter, is seen here in the hands of a CIA operative who is testing it on her husband and mother-in-law.
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WARNING: NOT A TOY. In fact, the BFG Hand Cannon might soon become the army’s go-to weapon against ISIS and other really, really bad guys.
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The TT-45 gun leg prosthesis, being worn here in night testing by a female Marine who lost her leg in Afghanistan, has both machine gun and rocket launching capabilities.
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Not laughing gas, the VX rocket melts your skin and makes you shit your pants.
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If you think their jaws are dangerous, wait until you see their underwater death ray guns.
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The Pentagon generals are losing their heads in excitement over this breakthrough device guaranteed to foil future ISIS suicide bombers.

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Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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