Truth In Satire

The 12 Likeliest Leakers In Trump’s Oozing Oval Office

Who keeps spilling the president’s beans ?

Eenie, meenie, miney, moe, catch a leaker by the toe…” (Credit:CNN.com)

There’s a leak coming from the Oval Office. And it’s likely the work of one of the culprits below.

White House, if you’re listening, you should waterboard the shit out of every person, place, or thing on this list and make them tell you who they’re in cahoots with. Because I’m smelling cahoots all over this nasty leaking business.

Here you go:

“When I see our good president accused of lies, my eyes start ‘leaking.’.” (Credit: Time)

MIKE PENCE: Who has more to gain from the collapse of Trump’s presidency than the man most likely to step into his shoes? Answer—no one. The already marginalized Bible thumper has kept himself out of the limelight, but very much in the thick of things, opening the hose whenever he thinks the damage will be maximal, leaking secrets to the media drip by painful drip, while flashing his country boy, “praise Jesus” smile and quietly nailing Trump to the cross. Amen.

“I haven’t even begun to leak!” (CBS San Francisco)

REINCE PREIBUS: Anyone else notice that the spillage seems to have gotten worse after former Chief of Staff Preibus was escorted through the South Gates last week? How much would the maligned RNC loyalist love to humiliate Pudgy McTrumpcake with lurid details about his spectacularly failing White House, the details of which Reince just happened to record daily in his big fat private diary? I’m pretty sure he’d love that a lot.

“If you see me leaking, don’t be freaking.” (Credit: Boing Boing)

STEVE BANNON: If you know anything about the president’s “resident pustule” you know that he’s focused on no one’s agenda but his own. He doesn’t care about protecting the president or furthering Prima Donald’s incoherent “Make America Great Again” policies. Steve Bannon, who has called himself a Leninist, just wants to turn America into an authoritarian state, with…