Truth In Satire

Teachers To Trump: “Bone Spurs Will Prevent Us From Carrying Guns In School”

Nation’s educators say that due to foot ailment, and common sense, they oppose president’s call to arm them on the job


Pulling a page from the president’s own playbook, The National Education Association (NEA), the nation’s largest teachers union at three million strong, says that arming educators in schools is a terrible idea, made even more unfeasible by what it called “a sudden bout of bone spurs by all members of our union.”

This idea got an “F” from America’s educators. (Credit:

“With bone spurs, it’s very painful to carry a gun, as Mr. Trump knows well,” said Lily Eskelsen García, president of the NEA. Ms. Eskelsen Garcia seemed to be referring to the president’s inability to serve in the Vietnam War due to a bone spur condition, for which he received several deferments.

She went on: “Since we can’t handle guns without severe discomfort, and don’t want to, we think Mr. Trump and his N.R.A. handlers need to come up with a safer, more sensible solution that won’t lead to more school shootings and more student deaths, but fewer.

On Thursday, President Trump strongly advocated for a National Rifle Association (NRA) proposal that calls for arming trained teachers as a way of thwarting future school attacks. He even suggested giving teachers “a little bit of a bonus” to effectively help turn schools into militarized zones.

The nation’s activist students may be the force that finally tips the scales in the gun debate. (Credit:

That idea has been called irresponsible not only by the NEA, but by law enforcement officials nationwide and elected officials on both sides of the aisle.

Mayor Rahm Emanuel, who has been confronted with runaway gun violence in Chicago and supports much stricter gun control measures, implied that only a total ass like Mr. Trump could make such a reckless suggestion:

“No police officer, no educator of any note is advocating that what we need is more weapons on school campuses rather than fewer,” said Mr. Emanuel, “It’s totally asinine and it doesn’t even warrant a response, but it’s so reckless that the head of the United States’ idea for solving this problem is to arm more people.”

It is unlikely that NEA members will seek treatment for their collective bone spur condition. Instead, the organization says that it will vehemently oppose any initiatives by the president or the N.R.A to require its members to teach children with pistols holstered at their sides.


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