Truth In Satire

A 12-Point Checklist Of Things You’ll Need To Survive The Rest Of Trump’s Presidency

Spring is a good time stock up on these vital Trump trumping supplies for your home, office, or camper

A nuclear war is nothing to joke about, no matter how casually the president might tweet about it. Which is why you’ll want to have a Geiger Counter in the house at all times for early detection of lethal radiation levels.

Unless special counsel Robert Mueller prevails, these last two years of the Trump presidency will not be easy ones. But with a little planning, some light precaution taking, and a good dose of pluck, we can all survive, and live to rise again.

Be prepared with…

1. HIGH-QUALITY EARPLUGS: Invest in a pair of Ohropax brand earplugs for every member of the family. Ideal for presidential speeches, White House press conferences, “Thank You, Donald” self-congratulatory gatherings, or anytime the president opens his mouth and the sound of his voice makes you alternately shudder with fear and seethe with loathing.
2. GEIGER COUNTER: When the Last World War begins, you’ll need advanced warning to get your family safely underground. A handy Geiger Counter will give you an accurate reading of dangerous radiation levels before any skin-melting nuclear fallout reaches your home.
3. RUSSIAN PHRASEBOOK: Many political observers believe that Trump’s cozy relationship with Vladimir Putin could eventually lead…