Truth In Satire

Spoiled Brats Finally Get Off Their Asses To Protest Deportation Of Housekeepers

Trump’s promise to expel illegal immigrants triggers panic among pampered millennials who’ve never done their own laundry

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“It’s not fair, we depend on Juanita!” says Lori Marks (left), who shares her Brooklyn apartment with Carrie Bokor.

Electing the first woman president wasn’t enough. Keeping conservatives off the Supreme Court didn’t matter. And preventing a sexual predator from occupying the White House failed to get them off their butts. But, finally, there’s an issue that has gotten the attention of hundreds of thousands of entitled millennials nationwide — the loss of their domestic help.

“If only the Clinton campaign had been able to gauge the level of anxiety that coddled urban millennials would feel once they realized Donald Trump planned to expel their housekeepers,” said Paul Dentino, a Washington-based Democratic strategist, “Hillary might have leveraged that understanding to win half a dozen more swing states.”

Molly Rice, a 28-year-old advertising account executive living in San Francisco said, “To be honest, I didn’t vote, but I also didn’t know that Trump was against immigrants. That’s such a random position, right?”

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Molly Rice, Carlie Thompson and Jiao Chang, roommates in San Francisco’s Castro District, worry that without their Mexican maid , Carmen, “the dirty dishes will just sit in the sink for, like, weeks.”

Asked to comment, Ms. Rice’s housekeeper, Carmen F., who was hard at work in the apartment kitchen, said, “Molly didn’t know that Trump was threatening to deport illegals? Dios, ayudame. She and her roommates should stop taking selfies and read a newspaper once in awhile.”

Lori Marks, an associate fashion editor at Vogue Magazine, who lives in Williamsburg, Brooklyn with her roommate Carrie Bokor, said she and her friends are trying to organize a big march to protest the president-elect’s plans to expel up to three million illegal immigrants. “We really want to do it, I’m just not sure if we can protest this week because some us have tickets to see Questlove at the Brooklyn Bowl on Thursday.”

Asked if she voted on November 8th, Ms. Marks said she definitely did vote in a mock election at her office, “but not in real life.”

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