Truth In Satire

Senate Committee Investigating Trump Asks For Evaluation By Child Psychologist

Consensus is that president needs an extended time out, but Senators consider spanking as additional punishment option

President Trump seconds before he is about to throw a major tantrum because he was not on the front page of Time Magazine this week.

After repeated incidents of acting like a 4-year-old, endangering the nation with his impulsive reactions to perceived insults by major world leaders, the Senate Intelligence Committee investigating Donald Trump is now asking for a comprehensive mental health assessment by a prominent child psychologist.

“The president has had one tantrum too many,” said Committee Chair Sen. Richard Burr (R-NC). “The other day he called me five times in the space of an hour, belched, and then immediately hung up. This is extremely childish behavior.”

Mr. Trump after a recent press conference making a crude gesture meaning “kiss off” to a television reporter who never says nice things about him.

After Pulitzer-Prize winning Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson wrote that the president is a “toddler” who has “the emotional maturity of a 2-year-old who kicks, punches and holds his breath when he can’t have ice cream,” the Senate Intelligence Committee determined that it was time to bring in a professional psychologist to evaluate the president.

“We asked Dr. Raymond Fishbein, Professor of Child Psychology at Harvard University, to do a full work-up on Mr. Trump,” said the committee’s Vice Chairman Sen. Mark Warner (D-VA). “When the president heard this, he tweeted a photo of himself mooning us from the Oval Office, essentially proving our point.”

Many have said that Trump’s temperament is a possible crisis for the country, as well as the world, which he may have demonstrated by petulantly pulling America from the Paris Climate Accord last week and by sending a volley of obstinate tweets on Monday suggesting that his original illegal travel ban should not only be revisited but made even tougher.

If you haven’t yet mastered a “presidential pout,” this is what it looks like.

The Senate Intelligence Committee referred to a revealing article about Donald Trump being emotionally trapped in the body of a “terrible two-year-old” as justification for enlisting Dr. Fishbein professional help. In the piece, columnist Ashley Austrew identified seven ways that the president acts exactly like a toddler:

  1. He lives in fantasyland, a world of his own making, separated from reality.
  2. His main problem-solving strategy is throwing a tantrum, demonstrated daily with his childish twitter rants.
  3. He interrupts people constantly, anytime anyone else in his orbit seems to be getting more attention.
  4. He tells long-winded stories that make no sense. But they’re huge, so huge, the hugest stories ever.
  5. He lies to get himself out of trouble. And will gladly throw all of his friends under the bus to cover his ass.
Even a devil-child knows that mocking someone with a disability is off-limits. But not this thoughtless moron.

6. He says ridiculously mean things. And does ridiculously mean things. Who can forget Donald Trump’s bully boy mockery of the New York Times reporter with the physical disability?

7. He has no idea how to be President of the United States. Austrew says he’s the diaper-wearing president, “yelling, screaming, ranting and name-calling.”

Senators Burr and Warren say that Dr. Fishbein should complete his psychological evaluation of Mr. Trump by June 30th, at which time they will determine if the president will be punished with an extended time out at Mar-a-Lago, a severe spanking, loss of his Twitter privileges, or perhaps, grounding until 2020.

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Thanks to all the many readers, fans, followers, and even my frenemies, for reading and commenting on my posts throughout the year as I continue my commitment to post every day, 7-days-a-week until the Orange Accident is out of our hair.

I read every comment. And I try to answer as many as possible.

Thank you.

–AI

Writer. Satirist. Author. Cyclist. Visit me at allanishac.com.

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